My Heart Holds Me Back
by Princess Candy-Lollypop-Star
Summary: Bella was born in 1901 changed in 1918 by James and has joined his coven;B.c of her past, Bella no longer trusts her heart or love. But maybe Edward can change that.But when a jealous James feeds Bella lies her trust for Edward is put to the ultimate test
1. Preface

**A/N: Inspiration struck me a while ago and I've had this written for a while. I thought it would be a good fanfic. Here's the deal...**

**Bella was bitten by James one hundred years ago and joined his coven. She can;t really remember why he changed her, or what really happened when she was human. But James tells her she tried to kill herself because of something terrible that happened to her; Bella believes she was betrayed by love. For a whole century, she refuses to get attached to anyone. But, maybe Edward can change that...If Bella can learn to let go of her past...**

**But when a jealous James feeds Bella more lies will she be able to see through them and trust her heart?**

**Bella's POV**

I've never really understood "love". Or even why people bother. When you love someone, truly love someone... I mean, sure it's nice while it last. It seems romantic. Like nothing in the world could tear you and your beloved apart. You think that it will never end.

But as far as I knew, it always ended. And from my expieriences, the ending was never pleasant. From my past mistakes, I had learned that love could only end in heartbreak or disappointment. I had learned never to trust your heart.

If you don't fully believe this or think I'm cynical, take a look at my human life. Okay, I'll admit I don't remember much about my life before I was changed into a vampire, but James told me everything I needed to know. I believe him too; He's the only one I truly trust in this world. Anyway, one thing I knew for sure about my human life is that my name was Isabella Swan and my father was a police chief. And I knew I was madly in love at the tender age of 17, and engaged to the man of my dreams. At the time, it was perfectly acceptable to be married at such an early age. I couldn't remember what he looked like. Just that he had green eyes.

I remember screaming and kicking against someone, I think I was angry...But after that, nothing.

The next thing I know is that I woke up in a forest, James hovering over me. The rest of my life he told me; My fiance had cheated on me (is that why I screamed and cried?) and that he had saved me from myself. I didn't believe that I was depressed enough to kill myself, but then again, maybe I was...

Ever since then, I'd had flashbacks of my past life, always the same ones. Kicking, screaming, crying...and the most vibrant memory, a pair of strikingly beautiful emerald eyes, staring at me. I knew that these must have been the eyes of my fiance and I knew he must be dead now, but they still haunted me relentlessly. Sometimes, I desperatly wanted to remember what he looked like; Just so I could have something remotely pleasant about my human life; Never mind the fact that he broke my heart. Maybe if I saw him, I could even get angry at him and get over it. I mean, he was dead. I shouldn't be thinking about his eyes...or name.

That's right!! I remembered part of him name... Anthony Masen. I wasn;t sure if there was more to his name or if Anthony was even if middle name or not, but I knew I would have been Mrs. Isabella Masen if he hadn't broken my heart...but I didn't hate him.

I don't know why, but I really didn't hate him. When I thought about him, I didn't hate him like I should...I didn't feel a thing. When I learned not to trust my feelings, I decided to just give up emotions all together. It was just easier that way.

Plus, I was changed shortly before the whole influenza outbreak. So even if Anthony Masen married the girl he was with, they weren't together long. I learned that the Masen family had died out a while ago, when I googled them. I really need to get a life...

But no matter what, my human life will always be a part of me, even Anthony Masen. I may never be able to forget those green eyes...I may never be able to love.

**A/N: I know this was short. That's why it's called a preface; This was just some background info on Bella and her life. If you like what you just read, review, tell my what you think and tune in later for the next chapter!! (Feel free to author and story alert me!!)**


	2. Awkward

**A/N: Judging by the number of reviews/story alerts, I think you guys like it. But I _would _like more reviews... but six isn't bad...(no, I'm lying)**

**If you want the next chapter, I need 10 reviews!!**

**Bella's POV**

I really had to stop thinking about _him_. It was unhealthy; I usually tried to avoid being in alone or in my room. Which usually wasn't a problem with James. He always kept me company. If I was alone, I did exactly what I was doing now: Sulk over my past. It wasn't right.

But James was out hunting today, with Victoria and Laurent. I stayed behind. I, unlike the others in my coven, refused to take another life for my own needs. I chose to drink animal blood, and really, in my opinion it taste better. And on top of it, my eyes were turned a light topaz, which I enjoyed. James, Victoria and Laurent had red eyes, not that I minded. But sometimes...they were disturbing.

I sighed and looked out my window; The sun was about to set. My coven would be back soon...But in the meant time, I had to keep busy. I walked to the living room and turned on the tv. Nothing good was on. Nothing good was ever on. Nine-hundred channels and nothing to watch. Ugh. I hated that. But I had to laugh at myself; Sometimes, I thought about how spoiled I really was. Think about it, vampires _never_ actually stay in one place for too long, let alone live in a house. I don't really know why James decided that we should live in a house...and no one really seemed to happy about it. Except for me. It just felt good to have something kinda normal about my eternal life. It felt good to have my own room even if I could never stay there alone. It felt almost human.

"Bella." James called my name. I turned around to see where he was. Right behind me, as always. It was creepy how he could sneak up on me like that. Our faces always ended up way to close; Like we were about to kiss. But I moved my head way and turned around to quickly for that to even run through his mind, though I was sure it was always on his mind.

"Hello, James. Did you...have fun?" I didn't know what else I could ask. 'Hey James, did the humans taste good?' just seemed too wierd.

"Always. But it would have been more fun with you there." He jumped limberly over the sofa and sat next to me, still too close for my taste. Sometimes, things with James could be awkward. He would try to flirt with me every so often, and he really wasn't that good at it. Sometimes, after I tried to tell him I didn't think of him that way, and I looked into his eyes, they looked sad or disappointed. Sometimes, he seemed to want something from me. Something more than friendship. I think he wanted me to love him...

I mean, I already did love him. Just...not the way he wanted. I loved him like a best friend, like a brother. But I could never be _in_ love with James. No, no that's a lie. James was the closet thing to 'love-love' I really had. If I wanted to, I probably could fall in love with James...if I could let go of my past. If I my heart would let me. But it was always holding me back, it seemed. But James just said I didn't trust my heart enough. But that's because it had always been wrong. I think my heart is broken, beyond repair.

"You know I don't drink human blood." I wrinkled my nose. "And I certainly don't want to watch you kill innocent things." James rolled his eyes playfully and stuck his tongue out at me. "Real mature." I said. He laughed, I just smiled. I never laughed anymore.

"I don't know how you drink animal blood." He said as he made a disgusted face. "It's so...ew." I had to laugh at that. But it was light, weak laugh.

"Well, I like my topaz eyes." I said. Blinking my lashed wildly at him. James smirked and sighed. I had to admit...he _did_ looked sexy. Hey, just because I can't love doesn't mean I can't look at guys...and find them very attractive.

"I like them too." James and moved closer to me, so our faces were even closer. My eyes met his. His eyes were filled with lust, but I could tell my eyes were unsure. I think James could tell; He cautiously took his hands, placed them on my face and attempted to put his lips to mine. It was a gentle movement, but I pushed James off, with a little more force than necessary.

"Sorry." I apologized quickly, but softly. "I just-can't."

"I just thought- I mean, it's been so long- a century?" He said apologetically.

"Yes...I know. But- I still don't trust-"

"Me?" James interrupted, sounding hurt.

"No. No- not you..." I amended quickly. " I just...don't trust love. My heart. It's led me wrong...in the past." I looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I'm just not ready."

"I understand." And I knew James really did. He would never force me into something, or doing something I didn't want to do. He wouldn't rush me. I suddenly realized why he might have bought this house; Maybe he thought it would cheer me up. And it really did. And I knew how much James hated to be in one place for too long. It was a sacrafice for him.

Really, James was do good to me.

**Jame's POV**

"Oh, by the way Bella," I began after a moment of awkward silence. "We're meeting another family. We have to leave tomorrow; They're all the way in Washington." Even with our vampire speed, it would take a day or two to make it all the way from New Jersey to Washington. I had been meaning to tell Bella about the Cullens anyway. They were the largest coven I've ever come by. I supposed Carlisle was their leader...we had been planning on meeting for a while. Plus now seemed a good time to tell her; Bella needed a distraction.

"Alright. Then, I'd better...go hunting, then." Bella go up quickly and flipped her hair; I don't think she knew she did it often. I don't think she realized how beautiful she really was.

I knew Bella too well to actually believe she had to go hunting; She just wanted to get way from our...awkward moment. "You don't have to leave." I said. I didn't want things to be wierd between us.

"It's probably best I do..." and the next thing I knew, she was running out the back door.

I stared after her; She really was beautiful. As a human she was pretty, but now...just drop dead gorgeous.

The story of Bella's transformation...is complicated though. After she was transformed, and she asked about her human life... I thought it would be best to...just tweak a few things, to make it less painful for her. I loved her; So much so that I stopped my sinful actions. But I was still so selfish. But I just loved her too much to let her die. But now...she's so miserable. Not the young pretty human with rosy cheeks...so full of life, that I saw one hundred years ago. She's never been that way again.

But, I had hoped that time would heal her.

But I was mistaken. I could tell she tried her hardest to be happier, for me especially. But...I was beginning to think she would never love me the way I loved her. Bella asured me that it wasn't me, and that gave me hope that she did love me, and she only needed more time to admit to that. But sometimes...my guilt said it was something more.

I sometimes thought it was because of all the lies I've fed her over the years. And I did feel guilty about them. But I just wanted to make it easier for her to forget. But I just worsened her pain.

I lied when she asked me what he looked like; I could still remember his face. Bronze hair, green eyes and I'll admit, an angelic face. I didn't know his name, but Bella was sure it was Anthony Masen. I never said anything, but I knew Anthony was only his middle name. But it didn't matter, because Bella didn't remember is face. If I ever saw him, I would know him. If he was still alive. But really, what are the odds of that?

Despite all of this, I never once gave uo hope that Bella would love me. If she needed time, that was fine with me. No matter how long it took, I would wait for her.

**A/N: Now, please take the time to click on the little lavender review button and voice your opinions. Ten reviews, people!! Come on! I'm writing this chapter at 10 in the morning!! I started at 8!! I deserve reviews!!**


	3. Familiar

**A/N: I'm actually surprised that you all like the story so much!! Wow!! I feel special!! I already planned out most of the story, along with most of the twists and surprises. Enjoy this chapter and keep on reviewing!**

**Edward's POV**

Today, we were meeting another coven. I didn't know much about them, just that they didn't follow our...unique rules. But Carlisle had been asured that they would do nothing to harm the humans here. I also knew that there were four of them, bigger than average, but not as big as our family. James, the leader who also was the one who made contact with Carlisle, Laurent, Victoria and Bella. I assumed that was short for Isabella, a name I was sure I'd heard before. But then again, after living as long as I have, names are repeated. Or maybe i knew an Isabella before I died...?

But I couldn't remember much about my past. I guess I remembered more than my siblings; It's just that it was so long ago, and over time, the details faded from my mind. I _think _I remember a girl...someone I knew well. I remember that she disappeared. I just assumed she died during the influenza, like everyone (except me...technically).

Anyway, that wasn't important. Right now, my family and I were headed towards the woods, waiting for coven to arrive. I wasn't excited about it; No one really was. Maybe Carlisle, but he probably just wanted to make them feel welcome. Personally, I didn't care. Actually, I didn't really care about anything anymore, other than my family. I hated being a vampie. I hated this existance. Why couldn't I have just died like mortal people? I'd rather be dead and have a soul than live a never ending, meaningless eternal life without a soul. My life (if that's what you want to call it) up to this point was nothing. I wasn't really living, I was just alive; There was nothing _to _live for.

That is, until I saw her.

Four pale figures emerged from the forest, two female, two male. I assumed the younger one who leaded the others was James. The older man must have been Laurent. Just by looking at the two females, I could tell which was which. Victoria must have been the one with wild fire-red hair, blowing around her pale face. She looked too menacing and mean to have a pretty name like Bella. Because Bella was the one with the heart shaped face, chocolate hair. She was beautiful, and at first glance, I could take my eyes off of her.

But it wasn't just her beauty that caught and kept my attention; She just looked...familiar to me. It was like I knew her from somewhere, I was sure of it. But how could that even be possible? It wasn't. That was that.

But, still; I instantly felt a connection to her. When I saw her, it was like something just clicked. And I felt...complete.

**Bella's POV**

The next day, we had arrived in Forks. It was dark, gloomy and rainy; Hardly any sun. I could see why the Cullens had chosen to live here.

As soon as we had emerged from the forest, seven pale figures greeted us. 2 blonde men, a blonde girl, a muscular man with curly hair, a small and pixie-like girl, and _him_.

He was gorgeous; God-like. With bronze hair, and topaz eyes. (Like mine?! In fact, they all had topaz eyes. Finally, someone who shared my taste in blood.) He was so beautiful, I just stared at him while I walked. And the more I looked at him, the more I realized how familiar he looked. Everything about him seemed familiar. Except the way he carried himself; He seemed... much more depressed. But other than that, I was sure I had seen him before. But where?

It took me a while to see that he was staring at me too. Our eyes met for just a second, but it that was all the time it took. In that one second, I felt completed...whole. It was as though I was drawn to him, but it was more than attraction. This was something more.

"Hello." A young looking blonde, who I assumed was Carlisle, stepped forward, once we approached. "I'm Carlisle, and this is my...family." he offered us all a kind, welcoming smile. I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the bronze haired boy, trying to smile at Carlisle. But I could tell he was still looking.

"Hello, I'm James. This is my coven." James looked them all up and down, as he usually did when he met people. But when he reached the bronze haired one, James's face froze and looked nervous, taken a back. But then he looked angry. But just as quickly as he changed emotions, he was smiling at all the Cullens again. Except the bronze haired one, who was too busy to notice. Was he still looking at me?

"I'm Laurent," he Laurent introduced himself, shaking hands with all seven of the Cullens.

"I'm Victoria." She didn't bother to shake hands. Or smile. But Victoria wasn't necessarily friendly.

"And I'm...Bella." I said slowly. I smiled at shook hands with everyone, trying not to notice the bronze haired one staring at me. But it was difficult.

When it came time to shake hands with him, we both hesitated, staring at each others hands. But once we knew we had looked like idiots, we shook hands, longer than necessary.

"I'm Edward. It's...a pleasure to meet you, Bella." _Edward_. That name sounded familiar, but when I was human, it was a common name. I'm sure I'd met plenty of Edwards I couldn't remember. But still, somehow, knowing that it was his name (and that I could stop calling him 'the bronze haired one') made the name, special. And when he said _my_ name, and smiled a breath-taking, angelic smile...I melted on the inside. His voice was like music; Every word was a song that I could listen to all day...and if I could sleep, he would be my lullaby.

The rest of his family looked astonished that he had spoken first; Or that he had spoken at all. The other, younger blonde man next to him, smiled too, like he knew something. It was then that we both realized we were still holding hands. I looked at our hands, then back at my coven; james surprised me by looking furious. I pulled my hand away, reluctantly, and looked down.

I didn't know what, exactly, but in that moment, I felt as though my whole life was going to change. Hopefully, this time, for the better.

**Jame's POV**

The one named Edward; _He_ was the one. The one from one hundred years ago. I knew it the instant I saw him. That was who he was. I was right. Anthony was just him middle name. _Edward Anthony Masen_. Bella's fiance.

**A/N: Oooh! Cliffhanger!! Don't worry, I'll update soon. A lot of reviews have been saying they want to know what really happened. I want you all to know, you'll get hints and small amounts of it throughout the story. But I won't go into detail. After I finish this story, I might make a partner-prequel story, about Bella and Edward before she was changed. I think it would be a good idea, but just to make sure, i want you all to vote in the poll on my profile _and_ send me a review for this chapter. The more reviews, the longer the chapters!!**

**VOTE ON THE POLL! SEND A REVIEW!!**


	4. Emotions Still To Come

**A/N: Okay, I know you all think james is ooc: out of character, but that's just because he hasn't gotten mean, protective and violent yet. And trust me, it's coming. In this story, James has a softer side...but only with Bella because well, he loves her. But once Edward and Bella connect more and more, James is gonna get meaner...I promise!**

**Jame's POV**

But what were the odds of that? How could _he_ be _here_ and a _vampire_?! There was no way...

I thought maybe I had mistaken him; Maybe that wasn't him...just someone who looked like him...and sounded like him...the only thing different was his eyes, turned topaz like Bella's. In fact, they all had topaz eyes. They must have followed Bella's strict diet too...But maybe, without the green eyes...Bella would know him at all. All she remembered was his green eyes. And he didn't have them! Maybe...

But the way she looked at Edward and the way he looked at her, was exactly how they looked at each other one hundred years ago. And even as the rest of the Cullens introduced themselves, they still glanced at each other again and again, smiling...it was awful.

I couldn't let them be alone for too long. It couldn't happen. Bella was mine now, and no one was going to ruin that for me.

**Bella's POV**

"Well, why don't we all go back to our home?" Carlisle said.

"Sure." James said sharply. I'd never seen him this angry before. No one had done anything...

Everyone broke out into a run, except for me and Edward. James ran, but slow enough so he could watch me out of the corner of his eyes.

"I guess we should..." I pointed towards everyone else.

"Yeah, we should..." he smiled a crooked smile, so adorably sexy that it made my undead heart jump. "But, I don't think I want to."

"Well, what do you want to do?" I said trying to hide my excitement and nervousness. But it was so hard...especially when he kept smiling like that...

"I'd like to...spend time with you?" he sounded a little nervous too, but not as nervous as me. I felt and odd movement of my jaw upward...into a smile? I haven't smile like that for a century.

"I'd...like that."I said. Things were quiet after that, awkward. I glanced around, James was still there, glaring at us wildly. I gasped out loud. "On second thought...we'd better go. Everyone will be wondering where we are..." I frowned. I really wanted to be with him...he seemed nice, sweet...like no other guy I've met before. But..._so_ familiar.

"We can run slow." he said and he smiled again,that crooked smile again that only he could pull off. And it looked familiar too...I could have sworn that I'd seen it before. But where...? I couldn't tell. I absentmindedly stared at him, trying to find out where I knew him from (still nothing by the way) but I didn't realize how much I was staring until Edward laughed lightly and brushed a lock of m hair off my face.

"Sorry..." I said embarrassed. If I could have blushed, that would have been the perfect moment. He seemed to know that because he laughed again. "We can go now, slowly." I smiled and the next thing I knew, we were off, slowly, but still far too fast for my taste.

**Alice's POV**

Back at the house, we all sat down in our living room. I felt like someone was missing...Edward, and the girl Bella. Right when I realized this, I was whisked away into a vision...

_Edward and Bella. Alone...in his room I think, but it's too dark to tell. The only light is candles all over, a romantic picture. How cute!! And now...Edward's moving closer,_

_EWWW!! Major Lip-Lock!!_

And that was the end. I gasped, surprised by intimacy of it all. I had to block the rest out, hoping to give Edward a little privacy. And then, once I was out of shock and I realized how exciting this was, I squealed.

"Ahhh!!" I was bouncing in my chair, ignoring the looks I was recieving from Laurent and Victoria. James was too busy...looking angry at the moment. I honestly didn't know what his problem was! This whole time, ever since we had introductions, he'd been sitting there, moping the entire time. I didn't care now, though. EDWARD HAD A GIRL FRIEND!! "Jasper!! I said tapping him repeatedly.

"What, Alice?" he said sounding bored.

"Um...where did Edward go?" Carlisle said looking all around.

"He's with Bella." James was one tone away from a growl.

"Oh...really?" Carlisle said. "We'd better go get them..." he said getting up.

"NO!" I almost screamed. Everyone stared at me, clearly confused. "I mean...I just saw them. They're on their way. Promise." I stressed the 'saw them' part, hoping my family would get it. Carlisle and Esme nodded and understood immediatey, and Rose had to whisper it to Emmett. Jasper looked at me, telling me some secret message with his eyes. I needed to talk to him. Now. This was kinda important.

"Jasper, may I speak with you for a brief moment?" I said trying to remain as calm as possible. I could tell, he must have felt something back in the forest. He must have felt some spark between Edward and Bella. And _they_ must have made a decision or done something to provoke this happening in the future.

Jasper nodded and we left wthe silent room and went upstairs to our bedroom.

"Jasper!!" I whisper-screamed. "I had the cutest vision!! They are such a cute couple, I mean really!! Jasper, Edward might be happy for once!" I knew Jasper didn't know what I was talking about, but he must have had an idea.

"Alice, start over..." I sighed and sat down next to him on out bed (which wasn't used for sleeping, if you know what I mean).

"Sorry Jasper..." I took a deep breath. "Right when we all realized that Edward and Bella were missing, I had a vision..."

"Oh god! Alice, are they...what are they doing right now? Is he...is she...?"

"NO!! Japser, god! They are not...at the moment..." I mumble. Jasper stared at me looking scared. "I don't know what they're doing now, but they aren't...doing what you think. But in my vision...it _did_ look like...they were going to...I mean, it was probably much later in the future but they had candles just like we do when we're about to-"

"OKAY! I get it Alice. So...you think they're...gonna fall in love?" Jasper asked.

I nodded. "I think so. But that's why I called you up here with me. Did you...feel anything?" I asked anxiously. "You must have..."

"As a matter of fact, I did." Jasper said laughing at me. I must have looked really amusing with my interest in this whole affair. I didn't see what was so funny; I was dead serious. I. Needed. To. KNOW!!

"Well?" I said begging. "Start with Edward; What did he feel?"

"He felt...happy. Comfortable...almost like he knew her. I think love hit him pretty hard." I squealed.

"I knew it!! Now what about-"

"Bella, felt much of the same, I supposed. But I don't think she feels the love as much as Edward."

"But, she likes him, right?" I said bouncing again. Jasper held me still, wrapped his arms around me, pausing before he spoke again.

"I think so."

**A/N: Hope you like the chapter. Keep reading and don't forget to review!! TTYL**


	5. Torn in Two

**A/N: Thanks you all for the fabu-reviews!! I love you so much! So enjoy this chapter and keep the reviews coming!!**

**Bella's POV**

Edward and I walked in silence most of the way there; I think we were both too busy staring at each other to do anything else. I kept staring at him when I was sure he couldn't see me, and if I wasn't looking at him directly, I was looking at him from the corner of my eye, happy when I saw him looking back. He still looked so familiar to me, but it was frustrating that I couldn't figure out where. I decided it was just about time to break the silence, so I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. But I realized soon that I wasn't at all nervous. I didn't feel awkward or silly like I usually do when I meet new people. Because he wasn't new to me; I knew him, I was sure of it. It was easy to be me around him...easier than with James, someone I knew for the longest time. But where from?

"Edward?" I began slowing down a bit. He stopped at my side and turned towards me, smiling crookedly again. It was so breath-takingly gorgeous, so adorable that I lost my train of thought for a while. I looked around us, surprised to find that we were in front of what must have been his house.

"Yes, Bella?" he answered. The more I listened to his voice, the more familiar that became to. I was sure I had heard it, from somewhere.

"I just feel like I know you, somehow, from somewhere." I said. His eyes looked right back into mine, piercing my very soul, or if I had one, they would.

"I feel...the same." He answered, his expression turning a little more serious now. I was glad that it wasn't just me; No way that both of us recognizing each other was a coincidence.

"Yes. There's just something about you..." I didn't know what else to say; 'i'm just drawn to you edward. take me now!' would just freak him out; But I did want him to take me, and I wanted him to want me. I was already fantasing about him; I never did that. It seemed like this was happening too fast, but...not really because maybe we had known each other for a while.

"And there's something about you..." Edward was closer now, so close, maybe to close, but I still wanted him closer. But part of my mind...it was like there was a little voice, warning me to stay away. Reminding me of the pain I had suffered one hundred years ago...the pain that still haunted me to this day. But another part of me wanted so badly to kiss him...but I couldn't.

Edward had leaned in, his eyes still on me. He looked ready to kiss me, but...

I held up my hand, seperating our lips. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "But I can't..."

"I understand, I am so sorry." He sounded sincere. I smiled weakly and shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. It's been...a while since I've-" I stopped, cutting off my sentence. If I told him about my past, i'd seem like freak. It was too soon for that in this relationship. WAIT! There wasn't even a relationship in the first place; One night, that was all. "I'm just shy." I amended quickly. I walked towards his house, opening the door quietly.

He stopped my hand, and shut the door with a soft thud. "I still feel...bad. Let me make it up to you?" he asked. He was so cute when he was sorry.

I looked down bashfully to hide my smile. "If you'd like." I said trying to be flirtateous, but it didn't work too well. Edward smiled widely and laughed before saying...

"Would you like to see a movie with me, tomorrow at eight?"

YES!! I screamed in my head, I wanted to go...but I didn't want to get attached again; I didn't want to fall in love. I didn't want to have it all ripped out from underneath me again, just to realize there really was no such thing as love. I thought I had learned my lesson the first time, and yet here I was, debating whether or not to go. I guess I could go...no one said it had to be romantic. We could go as friends. Two friends going to a movie. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong; I didn't trust myself to just be friends with this fine specimen of arm-candy before me. And I didn;t trust my heart to handle it if things turned all lovey-dovey.

But I did trust him; I trusted Edward enough to respect me and, understand if I told him things were going too fast. He had already proved that when he apologized for the kiss. And he looked so eager...

I sighed in defeat. "I will." Against my better judgement, I had agreed to go to a movie with this stranger I had just met. But I think we both knew, deep down that we were anything but strangers. Somewhere in time, we had crossed each others paths and we would figure it out, eventually. But until then, I enjoyed that fact that I had something to do on a saturday night. BUT NOT A DATE; I was not ready for that...whether he was or not.

**Edward's POV**

I was in total bliss when I realized she had said yes. I knew that I had gone too far with that almost-first kiss and I was glad she had forgiven me. I really liked Bella and I enjoyed spending time with her. I didn't want to screw anything up. I could tell that she was afraid or worried, but I wasn't sure what she was worried or afraid of. She would tell me when and if she was ever ready. I would wait for her, for as long as it took. And just like that, I realized...I was falling for her.

**Alice's POV**

Jasper and I had returned to the living room, and by then Edward and Bella had returned. Jasper and I exchanged happy looks as we looked at the two of them and sat down, next to the soon to be couple. And right when we did...

_I saw them on a date...seeing a movie! Aww...how cute..._

And then back to reality. I would need to take Bella shopping, but early so she would be ready before eight. Edward looked at me and then back to Bella. He rolled his eyes once he heard my thoughts say _'you two are adorable together!_'. I laughed to myself, realizing there was a whole conversation we all had been missing, but I could care less. '_Edward, I;m taking Bella shopping tomorrow. We'll be back before eight...' _Edward sighed, but nodded inconpiciously. I smiled and thought a thank you to him. If edward only knew how happy he would be in the not-so far off future...

**A/N: REVIEW!! This chapter was adorable and you know it!**


	6. Thoughts and Fantasies

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! I love you all!**

**Bella's POV**

I really wasn't paying any attention the whatever anyone else was talking about, and I had a feeling that I wasn't the only one. Edward looked like he was trying to concentrate on something, and a few times I was sure I saw him nod to someone. Alice looked like she was bouncing in her chair, so much so that I was afraid she'd soon fall off. She kept looking from me to Edward and back again, like she knew something. Her glances held some sort of expectancy, like she was trying to tell me something I was supposed to know. But I didn't have a clue.

Jasper, Alice's mate, just kept looking at Alice and shaking his head. A few times he looked at, smiling almost apologetically. What was wrong with everyone?

And ontop of that, James was sitting there, glaring at me from across the room. I mouthed a few times to him, asking what was wrong, but he just glared harder. Eventually, I ignored everyone's strange actions and just tried to sort my jumbled mind out. I had just agreed to go on a date; My first date for more than a century. Was I insane? Did I have a death wish? This went against everything I had ever done before. I shouldn't have done this. This was bad. I wasn't ready for something like this yet, and I wasn't sure I ever would be. Maybe I should just cancel...

I looked at Edward, who had been staring at me without my knowledge for a while now. And when I looked into his eyes, I knew I couldn't cancel. Something in his eyes just told me that he would never hurt me. He wouldn't move too fast. He would wait for me. I knew it. WAIT!! I had to stop myself; This was not a date. This is exactly what I was afraid of; It was far too easy to think of Edward romantically. It was too easy to forget the previous pain I had suffered, making it far too easy for me to loose myself. If I wasn't careful, I would find myself crushed all over again. I was not ready for this. Not by far.

I couldn't; I wouldn't. I tried to repress the feeling I had and have been having, I'll admit, since I'd first saw him a few hours ago. I was beginning to get worried; Really worried. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I think this through?

**Edward's POV**

I was watching Bella rather intently, and was confused when I saw how worried and nervous she looked. I know I should have, especially since she didn't know I could read minds but I decided to just take a look... I concentrated hard, trying to find her "voice" but I couldn't hear a thing. Nothing. I knew she wasn't blocking me, considering she didn't know about my ability. And it's not like she wasn't thinking anything, because she obviously looked distressed so she had to be thinking something. Distance wasn't a problem, I was right next her. What then?

I could read Alice perfectly fine; I could read everyone mind's crystal clear. But why not Bella's? This had never happened to me before. There had to be a reason for it. But there didn't seem to be. Maybe Bella was just immune to it. Maybe...but it seemed very unlikely. I would have to ask Carlisle about it soon, just to make sure.

And as much as I annoyed that I couldn't read her mind, it made Bella more attractive to me. She was a mystery now, one that I had to solve. I needed to know what she was thinking, I wanted to know. And hopefully I would find out tomorrow. Though Bella had made it clear that she wanted to go slowly and that she wasn't looking for love and that she only wanted to be friends, I couldn't help but picture us married. In fact, I could actually see it. It must have been a day dream, but it seemed like so much more, it seemed more real that just a fantasy. I could actually see Bella in a wedding gown, faced the other way, looking longinly into a mirror. It was almost like a memory. But it was faint...

I shook it out of my head immediately, telling myself that no matter how real it seemed, it was only a fantasy and nothing more. And as real as I wanted it too be and as much as I felt like I was falling for Bella already, I told myself to slow down. I was actually shocked at how quickly all of these thoughts came to me. I usually didn't move this fast. I didn't want Bella to feel awkward or think I was desperate. Even _I _knew that you never told a girl how much you cared for her on the first date. We hadn't even had our first date! I didn't want to move too fast...Bella wanted to go slow, this much I knew without reading her mind.

I suddenly remembered why I hadn't dated for so long; Everything was so complicated! I was planning a relationship that technically hadn't even started yet. I had _just_ met this girl...

But, I didn't think that was true. I've known this girl for a while, I was sure of it. We both admitted to the fact that we found each other familiar. And sooner or later, I knew we would figure it out. Together...

UGH!! There I go again. I mentally scolded myself, and noted that I had to watch myself from now on. Maybe this is what happened when you stayed single for decades. I was way to excited for this. Ugh. I really needed to get out more.

**A/N: I'm attempting to update everyone of my stories today at least once, because I won't be updating for a while. Why? You may ask...**

**BREAKING DAWN COMES OUT TONIGHT!! I'm gonna read it over and over until I memorize it, which could take a while. Lol**

**So please review and enjoy book 4 in the Twilight Series!!**


	7. Wishful Thinking

**A/N: Okay, sorry it took so long to update. But I'm sure none of you noticed because of BREAKING DAWN!! AHHHH!! **

**Anyway...please enjoy the chapter.**

**James' POV**

The night passed with meaningless conversations and pointless questions. I could tell when Bella and Edward came in late together that something was up. And I didn't like it; I didn't like anything about him: I didn't like the way he looked at Bella, I didn't like the way he sat so close to her, and how Bella didn't seem to mind. She never in one hundred years let me get that close to her. I just hated everything about him! I glared at the two of them, both looking so intently at each other that they barely noticed. Bella did, however, broke away from his glance, turning towards the rest of us, trying (and failing) to look interested. She caught my angry glares, looking taken a back as she mouthed 'what's wrong?' to me. I didn't even answer. I couldn't, because both answers that I had were rather terrible. I couldn't just say 'I'm pissed because your ex-boyfriend is here'; That would blow the lies I had worked so hard on all these years. But I also could tell her I was jealous. That would seem desperate and weak. And I. Was Not. Weak.

So instead of facing my problems or talking about my feelings, I did what men do; I glared at them for a little while longer, but once I realized that it had little effect, I attempted to distract myself from my anger by listening to the conversation I had been missing. I didn't miss much, so I could pick up rather quickly. I had learned so far that Alice was physic, and Jasper controlled emotions. Carlisle called these things they could do 'gifts' and though I hardly believed in such things I tried to look as though I did. But I still ignored Carlisle as he went on about his theory on the 'gifted', until of course, he mentioned Edward.

"Do any of you others have special skills?" Laurent had been keeping this conversation going; He actually seemed to care about what these people had to say.

"I was just about to mention, Edward," My head snapped up automatically, turning towards Carlisle. No one seemed to notice this, no matter how conspicious it seemed. "He's a mind reader."

Oh. Shit.

HE COULD READ MINDS?! How the hell was I supposed to compete with that? What the freaking hell? Oh wait a minute... He was probably reading my mind right now!! Oh god, I was so screwed. He had heard everything, hadn't he?! Especially the part about him and Bella's shared past.

"How does it work?" I asked cautiously; Maybe he hadn't heard _everything_... I turned to edward, focusing my mind only on the question.

"I'm not sure. I just focus on someone in particular." he said nonchalantly. Damn him. Acting so smooth and calm.

"If you aren't focusing on someone? Do you still hear everyone...?" I asked again, more urgently. I needed to make sure he hadn't heard anything.

"I hear it. But very faintly; I'm mostly just murmurs. Nothing is that clear" I held back a sigh of relief. He obviously hadn't been focusing on my mind. He obviously didn't know the secret. How could he, when he'd been spending all night looking at Bella?

Uh oh. What if she was thinking about Anthony Masen? What if he recognized the name? What if she fell head over heels for him?

I grinned as I realized something. Covens never kept in contact with one another; After tonight, they would most likely never see each other again. Wait! Even better, if Edward tried to keep in contact, Bella wouldn't allow it. She said so herself, she wasn't ready for a realationship yet. And by the time she was ready, Edward would have been long gone, tired of waiting. Which is exactly why he didn't deserve her; He wouldn't wait for her. One hundred years ago, he didn't even try to find her. He wouldn't wait for her now. But I would. I would wait as long as it took.

Bella would never see him tonight, Bella would never know. My grin turned into a smirk as I look over to Bella. When my eyes reached her, my lips turned down into a hard frown.

Because something in the way she looked at him and he looked at he told me that all my rationalization was nothing but wishful thinking.

**Edward's POV**

James seemed pretty worried when Carlisle mentioned my mind reading. It was clear on his face, though he tried his best to hide it. I assumed that his discomfort was due only to the fact that he was thinking something rude. Most people reacted the same when they knew about my talent. So out of both habit and curiousity, I took a little peek into his mind, not at all expecting what I heard. I immediately knew why he didn't want me to read his mind.

_"At least after tonight Bella will never see him again. And even of he does want to keep contact with her, Bella will never allow it, She said so herself, she's not ready to date and he won't wait for her. That's why he doesn't deserve her..._" I stopped listening then. I had heard plenty. Or maybe it was because I was too angry or taken back to concentrate. Okay, I I could have easily guess that he was jealous and I wasn't even angry at that or the fact that he never wanted me to see her again. because I probably would. What really set me off was how quickly he judged me. And doubted Bella.

It was for Bella to decide whether to see me or not or if she wanted to keep contact. And if she wasn't ready, I _would_ wait. I would wait for as long as it took. Because I already felt like I had been waiting for her for one hundred years already.

Because honestly, what was another century for a chance at an eternal love?

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, but I've been busy. I was going to update yesterday...but my friends and I were freaking out. U don't wanna know. Anyway, please review and have a great day!! Oh, btw, if you have read any of my other stories besides this one and have put it on alert, if you see updates for previous chapters, it's just me revising my work.**


	8. Hello, Goodbye

**A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews; I am updating again, as you know. Okay, so read and please and review**

**Btw: If you are a reader of "Princess Isabella & Sir Edward" series, please vote in the poll if you haven't already!! It's like, a tie!!**

**Bella's POV**

The rest of the night passed quickly, probably from all the mindless chatter that I had paid absolutely no attention to. It was almost dawn when James finally spoke, breaking the long string of conversation.

"Well, we do have a long trip back; We'd better get going." He got up swiftly, nodding to Laurent and Victoria who followed instantaneously. I gulped hard, realizing that I had yet to tell James about my previous plans.

"Well then, we'll show you out." Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens (except Alice and Edward) left along with Victoria and Laurent. James, Edward, Alice and I were the only ones who remained. I was still planning ways to break this to James; I knew he would never let me go. But really, he had no right to do that. I was a grown woman and very capable of taking care of myself. But I still didn't want to tell him…

"Bella, I suppose I'll see you tonight at eight. I look forward to it." Edward said getting up, Alice and I followed his lead. I sighed in relief, glad that he had brought it up first. He smiled crookedly, speeding up my non-existent heart beat.

"Me too." I said loosing myself in his eyes; They looked so very familiar, but so different. The shape…the intensity with which he looked at me with, burning a hole in my soul, or whatever vampires had. But James glare brought me back from my little mind slip, reminding me of yet another problem. "Oh! Shoot…I forgot. My coven and I have a long way home…" I frowned, obviously disappointed. But I was also embarrassed and sorry for having to break my date. I-I mean night with a friend. "I guess I can't…" I slowly turned to Edward, but when our eyes met I immediately looked down.

"Yes, I'm afraid Bella cannot attend. I'm very sorry." _Yeah sure; Real sorry_, I thought as James smiled smugly as he spoke for me, as he usually did. Sometimes, when I didn't want to speak, I didn't mind. But I felt like now, I had so much to say, more than I ever had in one hundred years. But I didn't know how to say it now. "Bella won't be able to attend."

"I'll go home on my own." I said, so harshly I surprised even myself. "I mean-" I said in a lighter tone. "I think I'm older enough to make the journey on my own." I said trying to be teasing. James shook his head and rolled his eyes angrily at me as he tried to come up with yet another reason why I shouldn't go.

"Nonsense." Edward said calmly. Alice, James and I stared with faces of shock; Who's side was he on anyway? Did he want me to go or not? Maybe he didn't want this date at all….UGH!

I knew it! This is exactly why I hated loved; He was already hurting me before our non-existent relationship could even begin in my fantasy.

"Edward! If Bella wants to go by herself so she can attend your date-" I cringed at the word date as Alice spoke.

"What I meant was, I'll drive her home." Edward said speaking to Alice only this time. "If you don't mind…" Edward said turning to me and James.

A part of me sighed in relief, happy that he wanted me after all. But as always there was that little voice that was screaming at me to watch myself and that I was thinking to fast. But ignored that little voice and let my relief and happiness show in a smile.

"I don't mind. I'd like that very much." I said. "Thank you."

"I mind." James murmured quietly, more to himself that anyone.

"So it's settled then." Alice said loudly, totally disregarding James. "Bella, you're staying with us today. With me actually" Alice said. She hugged me and smiled brightly; Normally such affection was bothersome to me. I told myself I only hugged back so I didn't hurt her feelings. But actually, it was kind of nice. "I'm taking you shopping today."

"Oh…okay…" I said nervously; I really didn't care for shopping at all. But, I didn't want to be rude or anything. And she just seemed so excited already, it would have been a shame to let her down. "It sounds like…fun." I said as I struggled find the right word; Interesting would have been more appropriate…

James cleared his throat then, a wave of guilt washing over me as he did so; Obviously James was getting impatient; But I could have sworn he'd left already…what was he waiting for? A goodbye…maybe?

"Oh, um…James." I said turning to him. "I guess I'll see you later?" I gave him an apologetic smile, to show him that I was sorry (for whatever he thought I did) even if I wasn't. He only glared in response. And as suddenly as his anger had flashed across his face, it was gone in a second.

"That's fine. Have fun tonight." James tone was saccharine, and sarcastic. Syrupy sweet and fake. It was creepy, but not as creepy as the smile he matched it with. "Goodbye, Alice. _Edward_." He somehow managed to hiss and sound sweet at the same time. But I didn't make anything out of this behavior, as much as it may have bothered me. James was James. Whatever it was anyone did- or he thought they did- he would get over eventually.

"Well, isn't he just charming?" Alice said sarcastically; I laughed to myself, shaking my head.

"Oh, James is just James." I said shrugging. "I don't know what his problem is…" I said staring after him. I really hoped I didn't do anything wrong. As much as James could get on my nerves, he was my best friend and I wanted to keep it that way as long as I could. I wished I knew what was wrong.

"He's just a little jealous." Edward said; I wasn't looking at him but I could hear the smile and amusement in his voice.

"What?" I said disbelievingly; "Why would he be-" I stopped, suddenly remembering. Oh. A few days ago, he had tried to kiss me, I refused him. For one hundred years he's tried to date me, I denied him. Now all of a sudden, I meet this stranger and I go to the movies with him; At least that's how James saw it, anyway.

But he didn't understand. Edward was not a stranger. At least it didn't feel that way. And he wasn't always trying to flirt with me. His feelings seemed more real and sincere. He didn't try to push me. James on the other had always said he wouldn't rush me, but then in a week or two's time, he was within kissing distance of me, on the couch and we were back to what I called the awkward circle. And the way James seemed to like being in awkward circle, you'd think they were giving out free blood.

"Oh." I said once I realized how quiet it had been. "I guess I get it…" I didn't really want to have to explain to them, I'm sure they could guess it.

"Alrighty then…" Alice said sensing my distress. "Edward, shoo, shoo; You aren't allowed to see Bella until exactly eight pm tonight. Or more, depending on our shopping."

"But…it's like seven am now. Who shops for like…fourteen hours?" I asked appalled. Edward laughed and mutter something about how I was in for it. Alice raised her hand high and proud.

"I do. And today, so do you…"

**A/N: Please review and vote in the poll on my profile if you read "Princess Isabella & Sir Edward II" and if you don't read the first one and then the second one and the vote. But not before reviewing….**


	9. Best Friends

**A/N: Please review!! I got like…1 or 2 reviews last time! Come on people!! Don't you love me?!**

**Oh, and I apologize for the amount of time it took my to update….my bad**

**Bella's POV**

Before I even had a chance to think, Alice had me strapped into an expensive yellow Porsche, driving hundreds of miles per hour toward the mall. If I had been human, I most likely would have been going to the movies in a fashionable body cast. But luckily, I was indestructible. The ride was quiet for a while, and I was fine with that; I didn't know Alice that well. But it seemed to me like she wanted to talk. Like the silence was killing her. So, I decided to strike a conversation.

"So, where are we going?" I asked trying to sound intrigued.

"Oh, just a little shopping mall in Port Angeles." It was quiet for one minute more before she spoke again. "Is James your mate?" she asked; But it sounded to me like she already knew. We were at the mall by now, thanks to her crazed driving, and were now walking towards the entrance. This question had caught me by surprise and if I was human, I surely would have blushed. I hid my face behind my hair.

"No. Not at all. He _wants_ to be…but-" I gasped in realization to what I was about to do; I couldn't let her know anything. I was just about to stupidly tell her how I wasn't ready for a relationship; She'd obviously ask why…I couldn't talk about my past to anyone. Not Laurent, Victoria or even James. And I had known them for one hundred years. I certainly wasn't about to spill it to some stranger…no way.

"But what?" she asked intrigued. We were in the mall now and she was headed towards.

"Ummm…." I said trying to think on my feet. Damn me and my forgetfulness. "But I don't think of him that way. He's more like a best friend." I laughed nervously, hoping she'd buy the lie. Luckily she ignored my jittery behavior. "Why do you ask?" I was actually curious; Why the hell would she think we were together?

Alice gave me an incredulous look.

"Oh. His…protectiveness." I shook my head. "We aren't dating; We never have."

"I thought so. Edward's right; he probably is jealous that he isn't going on the date with you." She smiled widely at me, and winked.

"It's not a date." I meant to mumble it to myself, but I didn't whisper low enough.

"Beg pardon?" Alice asked; It didn't sound like she fully heard me, just like she didn't hear be fully. Thank god.

"N-nothing." I said too quickly. Alice gave me a confused look, but shrugged it off and dragged me into a near by store. I thought that we could just run it and out. Boy, was I wrong.

We had spent at least three hours in the one store. And it had taken my three hours to realize who Alice was buying all these clothes for. She picked up a pretty twilight blue blouse, which looked a little too big for her, and handed it to me.

"I think you may need a smaller Size" I suggested. The one I was holding was a small; Alice _had_ to be at _least_ an extra-extra small.

"Silly Bella, this isn't for me. It's for you. I think this color will compliment you perfectly, for tonight."

"For me…? I guess so." I took a peak at the price tag; Holy crap! Who in their right mind would spend so much money on clothes!? "Maybe something…less expensive?" I put the shirt down, much to the dismay of Alice, who stopped me.

"Nonsense!" she took the shirt back and handed it right back to me. "My treat." she smiled again before leading me to the other side of the store.

"I couldn't possibly!" I countered. I _hated_ money being spent on me; Especially by people I just met. I wouldn't allow it.

"No, really. Consider it a gift." I groaned internally. I hated the idea of gifts even more. "Honestly." Alice said sensing my hesitation. "What are friends for?"

She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. It was infectious; Not to mention the fact that I had just made a new friend…

It had been a while since I had made a new friend. The only friend I really had was James. I mean, sure there was Victoria and Laurent, but they never really…liked me. We got along, sure…but we were never friendly. James was my only friend. But now, I had Alice and that made me feel good. Not only that, but it was easier to be me around her now. I felt like I could say anything.

"Okay. Thank you, Alice." I said after I realized it had been quiet for too long. "I appreciate it."

"No problem. Now, try these-" she handed me another pile of clothes (she must have gathered them in the whole 5 minutes we had stopped talking) and lightly pushed me into a dressing room "- and model them for me."

"Alice!" I groaned as I took the clothes unwillingly. She thought this was funny and laughed before shutting the door. I set the clothes down and tried to open the door to protest again, but Alice stopped me.

"Not a chance, Bella." she said like she knew what I was going to do. I sighed and then decided it was better not to argue. Yet. I made my way over to the very large pile of clothes before me, and started to try on clothes.

**Alice's POV**

I could tell Bella was shy when we first started our little outing, but in time she had warmed up to me and I was glad. I could tell once she had that we would be good friends. Best friend, even. And…sister-in-laws….but she didn't know about that yet. In fact, I don't even think she knew that Edward was into her. But…how could she not know?

But maybe I had heard her wrong when she we were talking. It _sounded_ like she said 'it's not a date' but I think she meant for it to be more to herself than anyone. I wasn't supposed to hear it, I guess, because she said it so low it was hard for even a vampire to decipher. Maybe I had misunderstood her…?

Yeah, that was it. Because she couldn't possibly think that Edward wasn't taking her on a date. She couldn't honesty ignore the way he looked at her, or the way she looked at him. I could tell, even without Jasper's power, that she was already falling for him.

But I could also tell she was scared and worried. About what, I had no idea. But I _think_ she must have had a bad experience with relationships in the past. Or maybe things were moving to fast for her? And don't ask me how I knew all of this, because honestly…I don't know. I guess I'm just really good at reading people…or Bella's just really easy to read.

Well, as her newly (and self-) appointed best friend, I was going to help her with this. I was going to make it easier for her to have a relationship. Because I wanted to make her happy. And I wanted my brother to be happy. Because I loved them both. And damn it, they were both going to live happily ever after if I had anything to do with it.

**A/N: Isn't Alice just a great friend and sister? LOL please for the love of god review!! **


	10. Unxplainable

**A/N: Please review and have a nice day!**

**Bella's POV**

Shopping took up the whole day, as Alice had promised. But I didn't mind, it was actually kind of fun; It was nice to get away from things for a while. And by things, I meant James.

Not that I didn't care about him or that I didn't like spending time with him, it's just that…I preferred spending time with Alice; She was a girl, so it seemed like we had more to talk about. And Alice wasn't always flirting with me, trying to kiss and seduce me, making things a bit awkward. All the Cullens seemed really nice…except Rosalie… but besides that, I really liked them all. They treated me like family already. It was refreshing.

Alice rushed me back to her house much faster than we got there. I didn't even get to say hello to everyone before Alice towed me upstairs to her bathroom, filled with beauty products that seemed downright unneeded. But, whatever.

She gave me a playful, but evil look as she locked the door, so I couldn't escape. Oh god; This would not end well. I rolled my eyes and took a seat in front of the mirror unwillingly. Alice began to brush through my hair, and I could see her smirking in the mirror, contemplating what to do with it.

"Bella, do you prefer up-do's?" she asked as she played around with my hair, placing a pile of it on top of my head.

"I…just wear it out. Sometimes in a ponytail, when I'm hunting." I shrugged. I could see Alice shake her head, and I laughed. "I don't usually have somewhere to go." I clarified.

"Well, that doesn't me you can't dress up for the fun of it." I stuck my tongue out at her, she rolled her eyes. In the end, she decided to just pull my hair back with a silver head band, plain and simple. I thanked god she didn't do anything else.

"Is that all?" I asked, ready to leave. Alice looked at me incredulously and laughed.

"No; There's make-up and clothes. That could take hours." She said matter-of-factly. I didn't even respond; I had no clue how to. I think I was in shock… "Bella…just take a seat." I nodded and pouted as I sat down where Alice had gestured.

I didn't know how hard it was to get ready for a date; I would think you'd just brush your hair and put in some earrings. Apparently not. I took a longing glance at the clock; It was 4: 45; Only three hours and fifteen minutes until I would get to spend the entire night with Edward. But that also meant three hours and fifteen minutes more of this torturous game of 'Bella Barbie'. Ugh.

"Alice-" I said worried as I saw her reach for eye shadow. "What are you going to do with that?" Alice laughed at the expression on my face.

"Oh, you'll see."

**Edward's POV**

I didn't get a chance to see Bella all day, except for this morning.. And even though I barely knew her, I really missed her. I was lonely, and left with nothing to do but think of Bella, waiting for the date that seemed like it would never come.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how forward I was being; That is so unlike me, I knew it. When I almost kissed her last night, I thought for sure I had blown it, I thought I had gone too far. But when I moved towards her, it wasn't like I wasn't thinking about it; I thought nothing of kissing this complete stranger. It was like, a part of me was used to kissing her. Like it was normal for us. Strange, compelling, and too difficult for me to describe.

I was glad that no one could read my mind; No one knew about the kiss, and I wasn't ready for my family to know. I couldn't handle the ridicule. But, even though he couldn't read my mind, Jasper still had a way of knowing what was going on with me.

"Dude, you have got it _bad__**.**_" Jasper said with a chuckle. What was he talking about?

"Excuse me?" I was so absorbed in my thoughts, I hadn't realized my brothers sitting with me this whole time. Oops.

"You really like this girl." Oh; That's what he meant. Damn him and his empathic ways.

I sighed, really not wanting to talk about this with him. "You tell me." I said sarcastically. It was meant to be a rhetorical statement, but Jasper didn't catch on.

"Oh, you do. The…love…your giving off right now, it's overpowering; I can barely contain myself." Jasper shifted uncomfortably. "Edward…it's a little too intense." he sounded concerned and confused now. See, this is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it.

"Aww!! Jazz; Our little brother's in love!" Emmett chimed in; Oh god. Things could only get worse now that Emmett was involved.

"Emmett, how many times do we have to go over this? Technically, I'm older than you." I knew it was childish, but I hated being referred to as the little brother. I was more than a century old for god's sake!

"What ever." was his reply. I rolled my eyes, hoping that my attempts to change the topic were successful. I just wanted to think about Bella some more. Unfortunately, my attempts were in vain.

"Edward! There you go again. This bond between you two is growing so fast. It's so unlike you." Damn. Note to self: don't go over feelings for Bella while Jasper is around. "Don't you think you're moving…too fast?" I sighed. This was too awkward for me.

"Yes, I do." I answered honestly, because I really did think I was being to fast, and I didn't understand why. I was usually such a reserved person…"But, I can't explain it. I'm just…drawn to her." I didn't want to say attracted, because I knew it was stronger than that.

I read Emmett's mind as he thought _'that's called attraction…'_ and I rolled my eyes.

"No Emmett. I think it's more than that. I'm just…I don't know." I _really_ didn't want to talk about this; Not to Jasper, and certainly not Emmett.

"I know what you mean; Because I'm feeling it full-force." Jasper took a deep and unnecessary breath to calm himself.

"Sorry." I said; It seemed inadequate, but I didn't know what else to say.

"Don't be. Just…be careful." What did he mean by that?

"You don't think Bella's going to hurt me do you?" I said disbelievingly. I highly doubt such a heavenly creature had the ability to hurt me.

"No, no. But…Bella's kind of…afraid…that you…might hurt…_her_." Jasper said slowly, like he didn't want to tell me. He chose his words carefully. My mouth dropped open in shock.

"What?" I asked. Oh damn. I knew I had ruined things last night. Why did I have to try and kiss her?

"It's not you." Jasper mended quickly. "But, she feels nervous that things are going to go wrong. It's heart-breaking actually…" Jasper's tone was sad, depressed, as he remembered the pain Bella seemed to be going through. "I'll bet it's something from her past."

"Edward, wouldn't you…know all of this already?" Emmett asked confused. "Didn't you read her mind and catch any doubt or her thinking about her past?"

"Yeah, Edward." Jasper agreed. "Why do you seem so shocked? I would have thought you'd have known." Great; Another thing to explain.

"Umm…I sort of can't read Bella's mind." I murmured.

"What?" they both cried in unison.

"Was she blocking you?" Jasper asked.

"No. She didn't know I could read minds yet."

"Were you close enough?" Emmett followed.

"I was right next to her." I sighed.

"Whoa. This is strange…" Jasper trailed off.

"Yet amusing." Emmett laughed. Jasper and I stared at him in shock; How in the hell could he think this was funny? "Oh come on; Edward falls for a girl he can't read the mind of. Look's like little Eddie's got himself a challenge." Jasper joined in laughing this time.

"If you call me Eddie ever again, I will kill you." I warned.

"Yeah, okay. I don't think you'll have time Eddie. You might be late for your date…" he said with a chuckle. I looked at my watch. Sure enough, it was 7:50. Just ten minutes away Bella. Ten minutes away from what was bound to be the greatest night of my life.

**A/N: I thought this chapter was cute, I hope you did too. Please review, or else I'll take even longer to update next time. Lol have a good night.**


	11. Undead Heart Beat

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. School just started…I'll try to update more…**

**Bella's POV**

"Alice!! Put the eyeliner down!!" I warned at the evil pixie; She pouted as she followed me, pointing the eyeliner as though it were a deadly weapon. "You can pick my outfit, just put. The. Eyeliner. Down." I said seriously.

"But- it will-" she protested.

"Down." I said one more time. Alice rolled her eyes, but obeyed.

"Fine. I'll go get your clothes…" she left in a playful huff, slamming the door lightly. I laughed at her childishness.

I took a seat at the make-up table again, and sighed; I had to admit, I did look more beautiful than I ever thought possible. My eyes popped, even without the eyeliner, and were glittery and smoky, without over doing it. Maybe Alice did know what she was doing. I sighed, looking in the mirror, mulling over my thoughts. I was excited for tonight. And anxious. And…scared…

I didn't want to get hurt again; Those green eyes dance in front of me again. I shuddered, willing myself not to think about him. Not tonight. I occupied myself by sliding my headband off and rearranging it, making sure it was perfect. I gasped as a new reflection of myself appeared before me.

It was me, human me. Dressed in white. A wedding dress… the human me smiled (while I frowned to myself) as she fixed her tiara- veil. _Enjoy it while you can_ I thought cynically. A dark figure loomed in the background…but who-?

I gasped dropping the headband, knocking down a few things as I pushed myself up from the table; I did not need this right now. I couldn't think of this. I couldn't think of him. I stood up, and leaned against the tiles and breathed, trying not to loose it.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice came in carrying 2 tops, a pair of black jeans and simple black flats.

"I'm fine." I lied in a low whisper. "I'm okay." I sighed and shook my head to clear it. I hoped Alice would drop the subject. I hoped she would say something- anything- to stop the silence.

"Um…okay." she sounded unsure but decided not to pry. "Umm…which one?" she held up two tops and asked my opinion.

"Which one do you think is best?" one of them was the blue blouse she had forced upon me, and the other was a red tube top I didn't remember her buying. That sneaky pixie…

"I saw you in this one tonight," she held the blue blouse higher. "But it's up to-"

"What do you mean you saw me in it?" I asked tilting me head slightly. I was almost too eager to ask her a question; I hoped it would distract me.

"Weren't you paying attention last night?" she asked in mock disapproval. If I could blush, I would have from embarrassment. She knew I was too busy looking and thinking about Edward the entire time…opps. I didn't think anyone saw. Alice smiled and shook her head. "Carlisle told you that Edward, Jasper and I have special abilities. I can see the future." My fell open.

"Wow, really. That's…wow." I said pleasantly surprised. I wished a could see the future… or the past. Actually, I would be happy with any power I would be given. But I was just too ordinary. Ordinary Bella. "So, what do Jasper and Edward do?" I asked intrigued now.

"Well," Alice passed me the blue blouse and jeans signaling for me to get changed. I took them willingly as Alice walked out of the room to give me some privacy. "Jasper can feel and manipulate other people's emotions. It comes in handy, as you can imagine, in a house full of temperamental vampires." Alice laughed lightly, and I smiled. That was interesting, and good to know. But what about Edward? Was there something I should be on the look out for?

"And Edward?" I said; Alice could hear the anxiousness in my voice and chuckled to herself.

"Umm…Edward can read minds." she said trying to be indifferent about the whole thing; But it was anything but!! MY THOUGHTS WERE TOO PRIVATE FOR ANYONE TO READ!! HE PROBABLY THINKS I'M CRAZY!! THIS WAS PROBABY A PITY DATE!! OMG!! HOW EMBARRESSING!!

"What?! Oh god!! How embarrassing! He heard everything- didn't he! Oh no!!" I was freaking out, hyperventilating. That was just one other thing to worry about tonight…should I even go?! O wasn't even sure anymore…

"Bella, calm down." Alice amended quickly. "I'm sure he wasn't reading your mind specifically; He usually doesn't do it unless absolutely necessary…" she sounded like she was lying, but I wanted so badly to believe it…

But then again, I don't think Edward would really do something like that to me. If he knew I didn't know about.

"I- I guess not…but-" I stopped; Had he heard me think about Anthony Masen? What if he thought I still loved him…what if- Oh my god, could anything else go wrong to ruin my night?! That's it, I wasn't going.

"Bella!! You have to go!" Alice pleaded; Damn her and her physicness. All the same, I thought about going…

But this morning, he seemed perfectly normal. He didn't seem like he knew my deepest darkest secrets… he really seemed to care about me. And…I cared for him. I was fully dressed by this point, but I didn't fully remember putting any clothes on. I sighed and opened the door. I was ready. I would just have to watch what I was thinking; great…

"I'm ready." I said looking into a mirror my the door. Alice giggled.

"I knew you would." she smiled impishly. "And trust me, you'll have a great time." I knew I would; I looked at the clock now: eight fifty-five. Five minutes away.

"Um…should I…?" I asked still looking at the clock. Alice sighed.

"Of course. He's been waiting all day; He deserves that five extra minutes." Alice opened the door. I sighed happily, and I swear my heart was alive for like, 5 seconds; I followed Alice down the stairs, into the living room where Jasper, Emmett…and Edward were. Jasper and Emmett seemed to be playing some video game, and Edward was standing by the front door, looking perfect. He looked up automatically, as I walked down the stairs toward him.

"Bella, you look amazing." he said staring into my eyes. I bit my lip nervously. "Thank you for coming with me tonight, Bella." he smiled when he said my name for a second time. For some reason, when he said my name, it sounded amazing.

"No, the pleasure is all mine." I couldn't help but smile widely, from ear to ear. It didn't look like he could help it much either.

I didn't realized Esme, Carlisle and Alice watching until Edward shook his head, looking at something far off. I turned around, and sure enough there they were, all of them smiling, happy.

"Go on, you two. Have fun." Esme said in a motherly tone.

"Yes mother." Edward said mockingly. He opened the door- not just outside, to my heart- and I stepped out, more than excited for what tonight would bring.

**A/N: Please review!! I want at least 15, and then I'll update. I'm already working on the next chappie. I just need your input on this one!**


	12. Over My Head

**A/N: So sorry about the lack of updates!! Stupid school…grrrrr….**

**And I had writer's block, so I was revising some of my other stories. But I'm here now…**

**If someone wants to send me a PM if you get angry or impatient with me, that would be good. I need the motivation!**

**Edward's POV**

As we left, all of my family's thoughts were so loud, I could hardly think. But then Bella came down…

She looked stunning; She wore a dark blue blouse, and the color looked amazing on her skin. Beautiful…

But Alice's thoughts shouted at me, so I inconspicuously looked towards her, unwillingly, not wanting take my eyes off of Bella. I thought she was a dream and I didn't want her to disappear.

_Be careful tonight, Edward; Bella's afraid_ Alice's thoughts had said. That was twice I had heard this today. Great. _Just…don't move to fast._ she warned quickly. I nodded to her, so only she could see.

And as we left, I told myself over and over not to move too fast.

**Bella's POV**

We walked towards his car, and I was getting more nervous by the minute. I took more pointless breaths than I had ever taken for the past century, and my mind was racing from everything happening right now.

When we reached his car, he quickly stepped in front me, opening the door for me; Wow. What a gentleman. I began to wonder what century he grew up in. No one had done something like that for me in…one hundred years…

As if on cue, I gasped as Edward drifted from my view, replaced by a scene that looked like it belonged in an old movie. _Him_, opening a carriage door for me. I blushed and looked deep into those green eyes…and then…as if it couldn't get any worse…he kissed me. And I kissed back……..STOP! I tried to tell myself…but I ignored myself.

I had gasped, blinking furiously, hoping to erase the image from my subconscious, knowing that I never would, no matter how hard I tried. Why did Anthony Masen have this effect on me? He was dead; He had hurt me…but then why did I still feel this way? I didn't even know I felt anymore. But…it hurt in multiple ways. But…I couldn't put my finger on this strange emotion…

But I didn't have time to figure it out now.

Edward's worried gaze caught my line of sight, once I had breathed. I knew only a few seconds had passed, but it seemed like hours to me.

"I'm fine." I assured him, shrugging. He still held the door open, so I thanked him before stepping inside his car. He followed warily, walking over to the driver's side and sliding in. But he didn't start the car.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked; I could tell he was sincere when he said it. He really cared. How perfect was he…? So adorable.

"I'm fine." I said gratefully. "Thanks for caring." I whispered, but I knew he could hear. He smiled and sighed, knowing he would never be able to get me to say otherwise. He put the keys in the ignition in one slick movement and the Volvo purred to life and we were out of the driveway and on the streets. He drove crazier than Alice, so I knew it wouldn't be long until we were there; Hardly anytime for me to mull over my thoughts. Not to mention I didn't want to be rude. I thought conversation might help.

"You're family is very nice." I said turning to smile to him. "Alice is a little…" I tried to fine the right words. Edward laughed then. He had such a musical-magical laugh.

"Oh, you went shopping with her." he mused nodding his head. "Alice takes fashion very seriously."

"No kidding." I said in a frightened tone. "I didn't think I would make it out of there alive." I shuddered and Edward laughed again. I liked making him laugh, I decided. Maybe too much I countered myself. But then I told both voices to shut up, and that was that. "Maybe I just don't take it seriously enough; I never would have picked this outfit myself." I said quickly once I realized it had been quiet for awhile. I looked down at myself, still not believing Alice had gotten my to dress like this. She was a miracle worker!

Edward looked over at me, smiling crookedly as he looked me up and down. I pretended not to notice him through my peripheral vision though.

"You look beautiful." he told me; That same sincerity thick in his voice. My breath caught and I became confused and befuddled at the mix of emotions inside me now. It was worse than the Anthony Masen debate I had just had. So much more emotions…I sighed.

I was flattered of course; No one had ever called me beautiful; Okay…Anthony Masen. But he didn't mean it. He didn't count. Wait…James; But James was like a brother and…his compliments, I realized, didn't mean anything to me. Edward's did. His was the first compliment from someone I wanted to hear it from.

But at the same time, I was worried again; And a nagging little voice told me to be wary. Told me I was getting in over my head. I was drowning in emotions; Emotions I had tried so hard to give up on all together. I was on a sea, being tossed and turned by an emotional storm and I was going down, down into the darkness; A place where I wouldn't see anything coming, a place where I couldn't tell what anyone would do to me. A place, which for so long, I had been trying to avoid. But that darkness seemed inevitable now. And I began to welcome it.

**Edward's POV**

"You look beautiful." I said without thinking; Damn. I was trying to remember what Alice had said…or rather, thought. I told myself not to go too fast. But I wished Alice had told me why or about what had happened and why Bella was afraid. Because I couldn't tell.

I felt terrible for making her uncomfortable. She was quiet for a while, so I knew for sure that I had gone too far. I was about to apologize…I didn't mean to…But I did. I meant what I had said. I meant that she was beautiful and I wanted her to know that. She had to know that…

She had to know the effect she had on me. She had to know I thought of her every moment she wasn't with me. But…. Did she? Did she know how fast I was falling for her? Did she understand how much she meant to me? Did she know I was in…over my head?

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!! AND FEEL FREE TO PM IF I TAKE TOO LONG!!**


	13. Almost Perfect

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to ****marin93**** for giving me that extra push to update today!! Thank you!! SNAPS FOR YOU!!**

**Bella's POV**

He had called me beautiful; He thought I was beautiful. And now, I felt beautiful. And awkward…but mostly beautiful. "Thank you." I said after a long period of silence. I had guessed that I had made him feel confused, apologetic. His eyes gave him away. "I've never really been called beautiful…" I sighed. Yep. I was in over my head. I was sinking. Who knew it could feel so good… I mean, I was still wary, and my mind beat against it, but some part of me, a part I thought had been lost, a part of me I couldn't even remember told me not to fight this strange emotion I felt for this man…

"You're welcome." he said, relief pouring from his words. I smiled to him, letting him know it was okay. _stop before you get hurt…_ my mind told me. I back-tracked, my smile dissolving. Whoever said that was right, in so many ways. I needed to slow down…I couldn't trust my feelings, not when they had led me so wrong in the past… "I really meant it too…" he added. My lips betrayed me and curled upward without my permission.

"I know. That's what makes it so sweet…" _STOP. TALKING._ My mind screamed at me. I should, I decided. No more speaking. All night.

**Edward's POV**

After that, the rest of the car ride was silent. It was unnerving. Awkward. I could tell she was uncomfortable, and I wanted to know why. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted her to talk to me. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to hear my name roll of her perfect, full lips- but not in a creepy way.

We got to the theater. It seemed to take longer than usual; I glanced at the clock. It had only been 10 minutes…why did it seem so much longer?? I sighed; Maybe I should stay single…all alone for eternity. A monster like me didn't deserve someone as perfect and angelic as Bella. I don't even know what possessed her to go out with me tonight…

But still, she had said yes. And everyone was so sure she felt something around me, between us. Even Jasper, and I guess he would know, being an empath. Maybe this was just the result of not going out for say…one hundred years or so. Maybe I was too sensitive. Esme and Carlisle always said I never gave myself enough credit…I opened my door, stepping out and reaching her side before she realized what I was doing. Opening the door, I offered her my hand, as I suppose a gentlemen would do; Maybe not it this time, but my time. She smiled gratefully as I opened the door, which made me wonder how her mood could change so quickly; I needed to know what was doing this to her.

I watched her extra carefully then, as she got out of the car. But her smile vanished as she eyed the hand I held out carefully, doubtfully…maybe a little longingly? I could tell. It was so hard to read her. So frustrating. The ends of her mouth curled down slightly, I probably would have missed it had I not been watch so intently, as she avoided my touch, attempting at a small smile as I shut the door. I smiled back, or rather tried to. It shouldn't hurt this much, how she seemed to avoid me, how uncomfortable she seemed now, because I had barely known this girls. I began to think about how much easier this would be if I only could read her mind.

We walked to towards the theater, slowly, even for humans. She seemed to be thinking hard about something. But what about, I didn't know. But I wanted to. I decided there was no harm in trying just one more time. I concentrated hard on her thoughts, trying to find her voice. Nothing, again. Oh well, I guess I really couldn't read her mind. I could live with that…in comparison to everything else about her, her heart-shaped face, her voice…her smile…that fact that her mind remained a mystery to me was trivial. But still, I wonder what she is thinking right now…

**Bella's POV**

Edward and I walked into the theater, getting the tickets in silence. I didn't really know what to say anymore. I was too nervous. I already did numerous stupid things. Damn it. Edward and I were in the theater, waiting for the movie to start. I know that my mind told me to get through this date, and that was all; After tonight, I would never see him again. But just the thought of caused a most unpleasant, unfamiliar tug on my heart. I didn't like it. I wanted him with me. Just his presence right now, seemed comforting. No matter how awkward things were getting, because of me.

In the end, I guess my mind lost the argument; Some part of me that was still hidden had decided, unbeknownst to me, that I was going to make the most of this date. I wanted to get to know him…_but do so cautiously…_my mind warned. I could do that, I decided. I could be cautious; It was kind of in my nature anyways.

We picked our seats once inside the theater; I looked over to him, and for the first time this whole night, I really tried to smile. He caught this, and smiled back, relief washed over him I could tell. Oh shoot, I must have worried him.

"Edward, I know it may not seem like it, but I really am having a nice time." I said sincerely. I don't know why exactly, but it was just important that he knew that. Because it was true. I was drawn to him, now more than ever as I realized just how close we were sitting next to one another. I wanted to touch him terribly…I wanted to feel his skin on mine. Creepy, how easy it was for me to loose myself that way. _Be more careful!_ my mind hissed angrily at me. I held back a sigh as I inconspicuously moved a little farther away from him, hoping he didn't notice.

Edward chuckled before responding. "The movie hasn't even started." I rolled my eyes.

"It's not the movie I'm talking about; That's not what makes the perfect date-" I began

"No, it's not." he agreed. "I know what you mean. It's who you're with. Not what those two people happen to be doing." he smiled crookedly.

"That's not all that makes the perfect date." I mumbled, unable to form real words; I was too dazzled.

"What does?" he laughed musically again. I looked around the theater, not trusting myself not to get lost in the topaz pools he called eyes. It was then that I realized the movie had started; But we were talking too low for anyone to hear.

"Well, who you're with is a huge part of it, yes. About 90." I decided.

"And the other ten percent?" he asked clearly amused now. I sighed; Did he have to look so adorably- _stop_- my mind cautioned. I mentally apologized.

"Well, who you're with is important. But it's everything else that make the _perfect_ date. The perfect, person, obviously, the perfect conversations, …the perfect outfit even…and then, what makes it perfect, for me…the perfect ride home…" who was saying all of this? My mouth moved without my permission, my lips formed words I would never speak. I tried to stop it, but it only worsened…I went too far. But it seemed like I had said these words before… "The perfect…kiss…" After I said _those_ words, it was like I was out of a fog, able to think. I realized how much closer he and I had leaned in, and before I knew it…

Our lips touched, and I didn't lean away; I didn't want to. My mind yelled in protest _no! NO!_ But the hidden part of me screamed yes, and yearned for more. I was stuck in the middle. I tried to tell myself to stop, it was too soon…but I wasn't listening. I kissed back, harder and harder…it was nice. I never wanted to stop…his hand made way to my back, went back up again, tangling themselves in my hair. I was just about to move my hands towards his bronze hair- so enticing, welcoming…so soft to my cold skin- I was so close to letting go…that little voice in my mind seemed to leave…

But something told me that I couldn't trust this- hidden part, which for so long had been absent. Why now would it make itself known to me? I was already so confused…

And as if sensing my doubt, my mind took the opportunity to take me back in time…two flashbacks in one night. It was killing me!

Instead of Edward, a dark, looming figure seemed to take his place. My tear-stained face flashed before my eyes, screaming in protest as this new person crushed their lips to mine, cold unfeeling…

I gasped and let of Edward, putting my hand on my empty heart and panting wildly. Edward seemed to notice this was not from exhaustion; He sensed something was wrong. He looked guilty…he thought it was his fault…

"I'm- Fine." I lied as convincingly as I could. "I just need a little air…" I walked out of the theater and into the bathroom; It was empty, thank god. I looked at myself in the mirror, still breathing heavily.

That new person, the blurred vision of the dark figure was not Anthony Masen; I could tell. This was someone else, someone I had no idea about. Someone scary, and frightening…

But who? Who would force themselves upon me in such a way…?

**A/N: Hope this chapter was good and made up for my lack of updates. Please review!! And I promise to go faster!**


	14. Not Quite

**A/N: Sorry bout da delay, yo; i've been busy. but im here now fo shiz and that's what matters. i was working on a short _story for english (if you'd like to read it, i will send it to you; i would like some feedback)_ but i also was very disappointed in the lack of reviewing; i expected more feedback, you know b/c of the 1st kiss and all...**

**BUT YOU CAN MAKE UP FOR IT BY REVIEWING NOW!**

**Edward's POV**

I knew I would never be able to read Bella's mind; She would always be a mystery to me. Which is why I took this oppurtunity- our conversation- as a glorious treat; a peek into the mind of Bella. Who she was, what she liked, disliked. I made mental notes, storing away important information for our next date, which I hoped there would be.

Both of us were enjoying the conversation, as far as I could tell. We had begun talking about what makes the perfect first date; Even though I thought this date had been... less than the best i could do, she didn't seem to mind at all. To her, this was the perfect date. Knowing that I could make her this...happy, gave me a warm fuzzy feeling I hadn't felt in centuries.

"Well, who you're with is important. But it's everything else that make the _perfect_ date." she truly amused me, now. I watched in her wonder; Wondering what a monster like me did to be with an angel like her. She was a vampire, but she wasn't a monster; She was too gorgeous. "The perfect, person, obviously, the perfect conversations, …the perfect outfit even…and then, what makes it perfect, for me…the perfect ride home…" Her eyes seemed to glaze over, as she spoke now. Like she was in a trance, but I was in a trance myself; Too far gone to really notice. But these words she spoke, seemed somewhat familiar to me; Like everything else about Bella: different, yet so familiar. But I was too lost in her gaze to think properly now "The perfect…kiss…" I leaned in without thinking; it was instinct, like I knew I was supposed to do it. Full of guilt and apologies I was about to pull back, until I realized she was leaning into.

Kissing Bella was the most unforgetable expierience of my life.

Our lips seemed to fit perfectly together; Her lips were soft and unimaginably gentle on mine. My hands moved towards her warm chocolate hair, entangled themselves inside. Her hair was soft too, like silk; Her hands moved towards my hair now... and that's when things went wrong...

I felt a spark- that's all it can be described as; A spark of fire and I was gone. It was like lightening, here and gone again in a flash but that flash seemed longer.

In that flash of lightening, I wasn't at the movie theater; I was...in Chicago...1918. I don't know what had happened, but before I even had a chance to realize what was happening,

Bella pulled away, gasping for breath, probably more for comfort than necessity. I was shocked, and even I felt like I was out of breath myself, though I knew it was impossible. Still, I felt...almost human.

**Bella's POV**

Who was that strange figure?? It was driving me insane, with worry and fear. I felt cold; Vampires weren't supposed to feel cold. I had a headache- vampires don't get headaches. I couldn't pin point this feeling, this sluggish, aching all around me. What was this...

Human.

I felt human. The feeling lasted for a few minutes; I hated it. I felt vulnerable and slow and lazy. How did humans stand it? Ugh. But the feeling did pass, but my lips kept that tingling feeling; That I didn't mind. It was an enjoyable feeling, like electricity running over my lips. It almost tickled. I sighed, looking at the mirror touching my lips which had by this point curved into a smile.

I didn't know what had happened tonight, and really I didn't care.

I forgot all about that dark figure, looming over me, and I forgot all about his cold, forced lips upon mine. I thought of Edward and his _soft_ lips, and how they fit mine perfectly.

And for the first time ages, I thought of love.

Too bad, really, that I still didn't trust it.

**A/N: OH! Bella was so close...-sigh- will she ever let go? Review to find out. Sorry bout da short chapter, again I was working on english. Feel free to ask for what I have of the short story already. Id love feedback**


	15. He's Here

**A/N: OMG!! I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!! I WAS REALLY BUSY WITH HOMEWORK B.C TEACHERS ARE THE DEVIL AND THEN I HAD A HISTORY PROJECT B.C IM IN STUPID HONORS!!**

**Bella's POV**

I looked into the mirror one last time before taking a heavy sigh and leaving the bathroom; So much had happened tonight, and the date wasn't even half over. Edward probably thought I was certifiably insane and was most likely at this moment, texting his family about the crazy girl who kissed him, had mini episode and ran away. and is now hiding in the bathroom having conversations with herself. Oh, but I do that all time.

Come to think of it, that makes it even more sad...

Oh well, I would have to come out sooner or later. Why prolong the inevitable? Maybe he wasn't even there, maybe he'd left and I could go home and go back to my empty meaningless void of a life. Maybe I would never see him again? Strangly that idea seemed difficult for me to wrap my mind around. For some reason, the thought of being without this stranger I'd just met yesterday was saddening to me. But I shrugged the feeling off and hesistantly opened the door. Slowly, even for a human, I began to trudge my way back to the theater. I paused, eyeing the door longingly, considering making a run for it. It's not like he would really miss me. This wasn't a real date after all...I could probably make it...

"Bella? Are you alright?" Edwards musical voice met my ears. His tone was drowning in concern and worry and maybe apology, but I couldn't quite be sure. But whatever it was, it was enough to make me feel horrible about everything I had thought about him up to this point. How could I ever think of ditching such a sweet man on what had the potential to be the perfect date. How could I think that he would do anything to hurt me? Oh right. I'm a cynical bitch...

"I- I'm fine." to my surprise, and without my permission to do so, my lips curled up into a smile- and i didn't have to force it; i was actually smiling. And did I just tell him I was fine? Was I fine? I wasn't even sure myself. I felt fine...but I shouldn't be fine. There should be that annoyying voice in my head. In fact, i was just very un-fine in the bathroom. What had changed in the last 2 minutes besides- Oh...Edward. _Stop...you aren't falling for him..._ whoops!! spoke too soon. The voice was back! Is it bad if you miss the little voice that's always in your head? Because I had missed mine; It was like my concious- telling me when things were going to far. It was like my parent, scolding me when I did something reckless and stupid. Like fall in love. And it wasn't shy about punishment either...though lately I hadn't learned my lesson. I must be in my rebellious teen-years. "I' really sorry...about what happened-"

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so forward." Oh!!! He sounded so cute when he was apologizing. But why was _he_ apologizing? _I _kissed _him_, right? Or had I imagined that? No-no I was pretty sure I kissed him first. And he still apologizes...he's so sweet and sensitive...

"Oh no, I shouldn't have-" _shouldn't have what?_ I challenged myself. _Shouldn't have gone on this date in the first place? Yes...that will make him feel good. He'll never want to see you ever again. _But isn't that what we want? I asked. _I don't know. You tell me_. " I shouldn't have been so rude. " I decided. Yeah. That's okay...

"No, no. It's my fault." he looked so apologetic it was heartbreaking.

"No-It's..." I began as a smile rose to my lips, enjoying our little game.

"Oh Bella- I for one think that if he wants to take the blame, why not let him?" my face froze, my useless stomach turned; I knew that voice. For one hundred years I had known that voice. "James."

**A/N: Short! I know :( but im just so tired and busy. If only some kind souls would review????**


	16. James: Redemption Begins Now

**A/N: Because you guys gave me so may reviews…I'm giving you an update!! See what reviews do to me?! Lol**

**Keep up the review, because the story that reviews the most gets their update first… **

**Btw, the evil James you've all been waiting for…he's here**

**James' POV**

I didn't make it back home. I never even left Forks. I just couldn't, knowing that _he_ was with Bella; knowing that _he_ was taking her out, holding her, speaking to her…touching her. Doing everything I've wanted to do with her for so long. Well, not everything, I thought bitterly. Because he was probably too much of a gentlemen to even think about what I would do with her if I ever got the chance. I owned her, she was mine anyways. So if he even dared to put his hands on her- I growled loudly at the thought. No; she _was_ mine. I've known her longer…I've loved her longer. I didn't leave her, but I knew the truth; it was no use convincing myself to believe my own lie. Victoria had heard me growling to myself and in an instant was there; right next to me- joy.

Victoria, I think, had felt this claim to me, much like I took a claim to Bella. But Victoria was a little more up front about it. After all, I did try my best to give Bella her space; but not Vicky. When we went hunting is when she showed it most; that was when she tried to flirt- it was hard to watch, and too funny not to. I supposed she decided hunting was the best time to do this, when Bella wasn't there. So, because BELLA WASN'T HERE NOW Victoria decided now was as good a time as any. I guess she didn't notice my seething anger.

"Hey." She said. I didn't answer. I hoped that if I ignored her, she'd go away before I did something I wouldn't really regret, but she would. Or maybe, if I wished hard enough, Bella would take her place. "James, you looked stressed." She said. I turned my face away from her, but she took her hands and pulled my face towards her. It was meant to be in a feminine way, but it came across as hard and awkward. She tried far too hard to be like Bella; no one could be like Bella. Victoria then looked at my eyes, which I knew were most likely dark. "You need a good hunt. A small weak human, maybe? Come on, let's go." She attempted to grab my hand, pulling me along the forest. When I didn't move, she responded, "James, come _on_!! Let us leave this dismal, boring place with goody-goody vampires. You'll feel better once you cut a throat or two; I know it!" I still didn't move. But this time, I spoke.

"I don't need to go hunting." I said harshly pulling away from her. I walked ahead of her, towards Laurent who was far away from us now, uninterested in Victoria and I.

I had hoped that Victoria had gotten the hint and that she would leave me alone, but that's too much to ask of a stupid feline bitch like her.

"James…" she said laughing. Did she think this was funny?!?! "This isn't you; What's wrong, huh? Something's the matter…" she trailed off. "Is it Bella, James?" she asked mockingly. "Oh! James! You silly boy; we don't need her anyhow. We'd be fine, just you and me…and Laurent. She adds nothing to your coven. _Our_ coven. We should leave her! We should just leave that stupid little house and go far away, so she'll never find us. She won't be alone." She said laughing on the last part. "For all we know, she may not even want to come back to us." My neck snapped toward her, meeting her eyes with a fierce expression. "What? I know you don't want to leave her alone…you won't have to. She'll have-" she flipped her hair in a mocking manner and spoke in a fake dreamy tone "that Edward fellow."

"Victoria!" I hissed "Shut. The Hell. Up. Before your body tastes fire." I said angrily now. I tried not to be angry; she didn't know how in love with Bella I was. Neither did Laurent. They didn't even know the truth behind her changing. They thought exactly what Bella did.

"Whatever." She said trying (and failing) to hide her hurt. "I don't know why you changed her in the first place. Should've left her to die…she wanted to kill herself for a reason, the pathetic little-" _That's_ when I really lost it. I grabbed Victoria by her shirt, threw her against a tree with so much force that the tree collapsed, but still her flew through the air, hitting tree after tree. When she landed to the forest floor, she was so shocked, she could barely speak. I ran towards her with impossible speed, grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against another tree.

"Hold. Your. Tongue!" I hissed. Her unbrushed- wild fire hair blew around her feline face, which for the most part was menacing. But now, it held nothing but fear- an unusual emotion for us vampires, Victoria especially. But she needed a quick dose of fear- she needed to know her place, like Laurent.

I let Victoria go, and ran past Laurent, yelling "I'll meet you at home" quickly in his direction. I caught a nod before I lost sight of him completely. I had a plan already cooked up- a quick hunt and then, I'd be paying a visit to _him_ and Bella.

I sniffed the air, searching for a scent which pleased me; I found one quickly and rushed towards it. It was sweet and tantalizing and it made my throat burn with lust in an instant. I easily found the source of the ambrosial scent, what with my impeccable tracking, and I followed her, as quiet as I could.

"H-hello…?" she asked; she had heard me. If only she knew what was coming for her. I heard her heart race, pumping more delicious blood into her body, warm and soothing; I could almost feel it running down my throat. Deciding it was not right to torture anymore, and because I was in a rush, I jumped from my hiding spot, covering her mouth before a scream could escape.

"Don't worry- I will all be over soon; I'm quick, I promise." I said reassuringly. "Aren't you a pretty one…" she really was; Brown hair, soft skin, pink lips. Her eyes were dark from the mascara that was running because of the tears. That's what brought my attention to her eyes…

They reminded me _so_ much of Bella's; warm and inviting, full of fear, just like when I changed her. I uncovered her mouth slowly, a new thought dawning on me.

"P-p-please…" the girl said shakily. "D-don't- hurt-me-I"

"I'm not going to hurt you." I said turning away. "Forget my face…" I vanished without another word, knowing fully well that as hard as she may try, she would never forget my face. As I would never forget hers; I couldn't kill her, I not when she resembled Bella so much. Bella wouldn't want that…

Bella didn't want a monster. Bella wanted a gentleman. Bella _would_ want me….

**A/N: Please review!!! Which ever story updates more is the story that gets updated first!!**


	17. Makeover

**A/N: Sorry!! I know I haven't updated but I learned that Lyn-z is pregnant, and that took forever to get over. But I have decided that Lyn-z and Gerard are so cute together it should be illegal!!!! Hmmm…oh yeah, please review!!!!!!!!! I would like to reach 200!!! And I will not update until then!!**

**Previously…. **

_"No-It's..." I began as a smile rose to my lips, enjoying our little game._

_"Oh Bella- I for one think that if he wants to take the blame, why not let him?" my face froze, my useless stomach turned; I knew that voice. For one hundred years I had known that voice. "James."_

**Bella's POV**

"James…" I hissed, not looking at him. "What are _you_ doing here?" I said through my teeth, and with a poor excuse for a smile. I looked at Edward apologetically, but he seemed to be laughing. What was so funny?

Edward covered his mouth, trying too keep from laughing, as he darted his eyes towards James. I turned around slowly, and my eyes grew wide with shock. I would've laughed myself, but I was too shocked to really take in what I saw.

It appeared that James had gotten himself…a new look. His ponytail was gone; now his hair was shorter and styled in a why that reminded me of an Abercrombie models- blonde, spikey, pushed to the front… But he looked _nothing_ like an Abercrombie model…

He had shaved-what the hell? No facial hair or stubble at all; Even the faint mustache he had was gone. it didn't suit his rugged, bad boy look I had known for so long. And his clothes….?? He normally didn't wear much of anything- just some jeans and jacket, usually open to expose his bear (and admittedly impressive) chest. But now, he wore khaki pants and a pastel striped button down shirt. It was strange and scary and disturbing. He didn't look like himself. And it isn't like it made him look better- if anything it made him look worse; he looked like an overgrown child playing dress up. He looked like he was trying _far_ to hard- but for who? Who was he trying to impress?

Oh, yeah. Me.

"Ummm….James?" I asked just to make sure it was him. Unfortunately it was.

"Bella?" he said smiling politely at me. "Is something the matter?" he sounded so sweet and proper; it was disconcerting.

"No, no. I'm just…shocked. To see you. Like this." I gestured to him and he threw his head back and laughed. Even his laugh sounded different- once harsh and rough, was now light and careless, but forcibly so. Like he was _trying _so hard, and failing mind you. It was hard to watch.

"Well, I didn't think it kind of me to allow you accept an escort home with a stranger…" he glared at Edward for just a brief moment, his usual roughness and anger returning for just a minute, but I don't think I was supposed to see. Edward didn't seem bothered by this at all. In fact, he seemed pretty amused.

"Edward is _not_ a stranger." I growled. Edward seemed relieved to hear this, and I was relieved to see him relieved. "James, can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

"But of course, Be-" I grabbed his collar and dragged him out the door before he could finish. "Bella, now what's all the fuss about?" he said trying to look concerned.

"James, what the hell? Why are you here?" Right when the date-err, not date- was getting better, he just had to come ruin all of it.

"I didn't want to leave you alone with him. I was sincerely worried."

"Oh shut up, Edward is a great guy and he would never hurt me…" _I think._ I added mentally. It seemed easier to believe that when I with him- but when I was away, I wasn't so sure. When I wasn't with him, I was back to my normal cynical, numb self. And I had just begun to realize how much I really didn't like feeling that why. Why hadn't I ever notice the before? Maybe because all I had ever known was pain, so I had begun not to notice it much. But now that I had felt what it was like to _almost_ be happy- never completely happy, because I could never escape my past and I accepted that- how long would it take for me to forget about Edward, and after I did that, how long until I got used to the pain again? Would I even be able to go back?

_Yes!!!!_ The little voice returned _you have to, otherwise you're heart will get stomped on 10,000,000 times over_.

"Bella??" James called. "Are you well??"

I sighed, shaking my head, both in an attempt to clear it and to answer James' question; I really wasn't well.

"And what's with the politeness? You are never polite. And the clothes? The hair-" I looked him up and down again, but stopped at his face- his eyes. "Did- I mean…did you go hunting? Did you-"

"Shhh, Bella." He put a finger on my lips, which shook off angrily. "Do not be alarmed; yes, I drank animal blood. Is that so wrong? Is that so far fetched that I saw the error of my ways and decided to change my diet?"

Yes, I thought. But I didn't want to offend him, or judge him too harshly. "I guess you're right." I said with a sigh. "I'm sorry. If this is the new look you've chosen…I support that."

"Much appreciated."

"Now…I would appreciate it if you would _please_ leave." He looked disappointed now, and I felt sorry about that; I didn't like hurting my best friend.

"Bella…please? I want nothing more than to be with you tonight." He didn't sound fake, or like he was trying hard to care like before. This sounded sincere.

"James…" I sighed. "I mean, Edward made these plans; and we aren't going right back home- Alice took me shopping and we have to go back to get them all…you should go home. Really. I'll be back soon.

"But you may not want to come back…" he mumbled; it sounded like I wasn't supposed to hear it, so I decided to pay no attention to it. I assumed he was just jealous and as soon as I was home, and as soon as I got away from Edward and forgot all about him, things would go back to normal. They had too. "Fine then, Bella. I'll see you later." His voice was too polite again, and I immediantly didn't trust it. I knew something was up…

"Bella?" Edward came up from behind me again. I spun around and forgot all about James, and my promise to get away from Edward and forget him ASAP.

"Hello, Edward." I spun around to face him "Everything is fine. Just fine." I was saying this for my benefit, not his. I repeated it over and over in my mind, willing it to be true....until I remember: mind reader. My eyes grew wide and I rushed my brain to think of something else, but all I could think of was panic; what else had he heard??? Had he heard my messed up all night? Did he think I was crazy????

Edward seemed to notice my panic striken face, and gave me a worried look; "Bella, are you _sure_ everything's okay?"

"Ummm…yeah, I just- I mean, I remembered that you-" _can read minds and mine certainly isn't sane? Yes, that's sound _great_. _The little voice teased in my head. I tried to make it shut up, because he could probably hear us. Right now. "I know you can read minds…and to be honest, I'm worried- or rather, became aware of what you may or may not have heard tonight." I said in one huge, useless breath. I watched his expression, carefully, as I bit my lip, something I did when I was nervous. I expected to run out the theater, or ask me nosy questions about whether or not I was sane, or just back away slowly and tell me to leave. Good. That's what I want; to never see him again, to never feel. _But if you can't feel, you can't feel happiness_, my head pointed out. I know, I answered. It's safer this way.

"My apologies, Bella. I did not intend in anyway to cause you worry or discomfort." When he spoke this way, it wasn't annoying or fake like when James did it. It was sweet. "But I can't even read your mind, so your thoughts are safe."

**Edward's POV**

"Oh. Really?" I thought Bella would be relieved, but instead she looked more worried than before. She was so unpredictable- so vulnerable. "Is something wrong with my brain?" I had to laugh at that, despite her serious fear.

"No, Bella. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect."

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I WANT LIKE 200 BY NOW!**


	18. Ready and Willing

**A/N: I didn't get many reviews, but I really want to push out one more chapter before New Years…that didn't work out, so this is my very late Xmas present to you. And I want lots of reviews for Christmas please!!!!!!!!**

**Edward's POV**

She really was perfect, in every way. She was beautiful and kind and I'm sure she was smart. So, I couldn't really regret complimenting Bella, even though I knew she hated it. I could tell she didn't really see herself all that clearly.

I waited nervously for her reaction- I wasn't sure what it would be. But I hoped I hadn't upset her in anyway.

"Thank you…" she murmured with her head down. That made nervous, not being able to see her face- it made her an even bigger mystery, not being able to see her expressions. She sighed deeply, before speaking again. "You're…a good guy. A good friend." She whispered the last part. But the word "friend" crushed my non-existent soul; it surprised me how much it really hurt…

I frowned to myself, wishing harder than ever that I could read her mind. But if friends is what she wanted to be…that was fine.

**Bella's POV**

I winced at the word friends, but I knew it had to be said- I needed to make my intentions clear, not to him, but to myself. I needed to reinforce to myself that I could not loose myself with him, that I couldn't fall in love with him; before it was too late. Maybe, eventually, I would be able to destroy the friendship and forget him all together- maybe it was a gradual process…

Or maybe I wouldn't be able to stop it no matter how hard I tried. But I had to try- and if this boundaries thing didn't work, if I had no self control, if I was about to fall to hard, to fast…I had a backup plan. But it was something I really didn't want to do…so I hoped this method worked. But he didn't make it any easier…being so hot and sweet. And he looked so heartbroken for just a second, when I said friend. But he recovered, so quickly, I thought I had imagined it.

"Bella- the movie has almost ended…it's not even 9 yet. Would you like to, just find some place to talk?"

"Yes…that would be nice…" I was half lying. Talking usually meant questions and questions were usually too deep for me- I didn't like answering questions about myself; Even if it was something as simple as my favorite color. But I felt like I owed it to Edward. I hadn't exactly shown him the best time tonight. And if I wasn't planning on seeing him for a while- which I wasn't- I could stand to talk to him for a while, anyhow.

He smiled and led me outside, taking me gently by the hand. I felt an unfamiliar fluttering all over my body- especially my chest area…could it be my-my heart? _No, you don't have one, remember?_ The little voice echoed in my head. _You gave your heart to Anthony Masen and broke it beyond repair. And now you're heatless and cold…._

The voice went on from there, mocking and taunting me about how lifeless I was and pointless life really is. But it was easier to ignore when I was with Edward, somehow; it was like he had a remote control to the little speaker in my head and he was turning down the volume-the intensity a little more each time. Maybe soon…I wouldn't be able to hear it at all…?

_But of course once he breaks you-which he will-I'll be worse than before. Louder…_the voice cooed lightly. I sighed in defeat. _See, wont it just be easier to just give him up before he breaks your heart?_ The voice was smug now.

"Bella?" I looked around and realized we were outside the theater. I forced out a small laugh before shaking my head and sitting down on a nearby bench.

"I'm sorry." I said a little too quickly and gave another uneasy laugh. "I seem to be doing that a lot…"

"Is it all the time?" he asked with concern.

Yes, I thought. They do. But I couldn't tell him that. "Umm…on and off. Not all the time though…" he smiled down at me and sat next to me, but not to close; he seemed to sense my need for personal space. Or he didn't want to sit to close to a crazy chick. Either way… I sighed deeply, thinking about everything that had happened in the past few hours. I enjoyed the quiet, the cool air, and just being next to Edward. Because I could actually think without thinking about the things I should never think about.

Finally, he broke the silence.

"What are you thinking?" this question caught me off guard. Not only because I couldn't think of lie to tell him- oh just about the little voice in my head- or because no one had really bothered to ask me before…but it was because he was supposed to read minds.

I actually kind of laughed for a second. "Don't you read minds?" I asked trying not to be rude. Edward smiled crookedly and laughed a light and musical laughed before answering.

"Yes. I can read everyone's mind. But yours." He seemed frustrated by this, but still was able to smile at me. I was relieved…to a certain degree.

"I- I'm glad." He gave me a confused look. "No-not glad… but I was worried about that. My thoughts…"I trailed off before I could make a bigger fool of myself. I wasn't necessarily worried that there was something wrong with me. Because I knew that there _was_. My head was so messed up already, so there was something wrong in there keeping him from my thoughts. But I was kind of glad. Because he didn't know what I was thinking or what was wrong with me. But what excited me the most was that he actually asked me out and stayed because he actually like me and actually cared.

It made me feel like I was worth something and not just the crazy girl he felt bad for. I was someone he found…dare I say…attractive. Someone he wanted to be with…

The idea of this made me too happy, I knew it. But I almost didn't mind.

"I understand." He laughed. "No one want to have their thoughts exposed. It may frustrate me to no ends…but if you like it that way…"

I had slowly moved closer to him without realizing it. I wanted to kiss him, I realized. And I wanted him to hold me. And I wanted to forget about my past and let go…

His eyes followed mine, watching me carefully as he took my face in his hands. He glanced at me once more, to see if I was okay with it, before he pressed his lips to mine.

It was easier than before. Because this time, I wasn't as shocked; I knew what to expect and I knew that this time I was actually the one who asked. This time, I wasn't covered up and consumed by a haze, saying words without thinking. This time, I was ready.

And that kiss is what made me make the foolish decision to love again.

**A/N: OMG OMG OMG OMG FINALLY!!!! LOL PLEASE REVIEW SO I CAN GET ON WITH THE STORY BECAUSE NOW IT GETS REALLY GOOD!**


	19. When he Made me Laugh

**A/N: Here it comes!! The 19****th**** chapter!! Sorry about the delay!!!! Please review!!!!**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't expect to be completely and totally fine with relationships from there on; I knew I would always hear that little voice and I would always have screaming doubts and protests and I would never fully trust my heart…but I also knew (or was learning) that Edward would never hurt me. But I also knew that I would still have to be careful, just in case. I would take it slow, I promised to myself. Slow…

Yet somehow I doubted I would _really_ be able to take it slow; it would be next to impossible; It wasn't his fault- a man can't help being sexy, attractive, dreamy, kind and overall too perfect. No one could help their attractiveness. (sigh) I knew eventually, unless I had more willpower than I knew I had, this would only end in three ways…

Option 1: he would take his perfect, sexy, sweet self and realize that I was nothing special; just plain Bella with nothing whatsoever to offer a god like him. He would realize he could do better- someone nicer, prettier, and probably saner than me. Someone who could love him without all the trouble I was giving him and could probably make out with him and sit through a movie without freaking out and locking herself in the bathroom. He wouldn't have to deal with my mood swings or flashbacks ever again. He would be happy and I would go back to being who I was before (if I could)

Option 2: He wouldn't leave as kindly as the first option; See, instead of leaving me for another girl (with or without cheating) he would just realize I was certifiably insane. I'd be having what I call a certifiable second, he catch me and finally realize I was crazy and he'd freak out (as any normal person would) and he would leave me; then I could go back to my coven. It might be hard to get back to the numb state that had kept me alive for so long, but I'd get back to that eventually…right??!!

There was no option three; at least not a probable one; I mean, I had one…but it seemed stupid. Really stupid. And involved happy endings, which I don't believe in. They aren't true. Do not even get me started; its fairy tales that give all of these little girls and silly teenagers the idea that true love exist and that it's full of love and happiness and sunshine and friggin lollipops. But I knew better…I knew the truth. And I was not about to allow myself to believe in the same lie twice.

"Bella?" Edward and I were in the car, driving but I didn't really know where we were going; my instincts told me to go home, lock myself in my room and try to get the numbness back- try to forget about Edward and distance myself from him. But…another part of me (I didn't know what part, really) told me how painful being away from Edward really could be. I looked up at him, and as soon as I looked into his eyes (and as cheesy as it may sound) and all of my cynicalness **(is that a word? Oh well, it is now)** seemed to evaporate. My lips curled up into a small smile and my breath hitched for just a second.

"Yeah. I'm…fine." I nodded. "Just thinking." I mumbled. Edward smiled crookedly as he asked.

"About what?" When I didn't answer right away he laughed lightly. The sound was musical and carefree and magical; I wished I could laugh like that- and actually mean it. I wish I didn't have to force every laugh that went from lips. All of my laughs sounded like somebody else-foreign to me. They fooled everyone else, sure, but they didn't fool me. I knew myself well enough to know that I would never laugh, so my laughs couldn't possibly be mine- if that made sense… "You seem to do a lot of thinking." He said. "It makes me want to find out what you're thinking even more than I already do. It drives me crazy." The frustration on his face was adorable- and it sent an unfamiliar through my whole body; it felt strange as it bubbled inside me; it wasn't unpleasant, just odd…but it began to feel better the more I got used to it- it was very nice- kind of felt like fizzy bubbles exploding through your body- and then my lips turned upward and I did something crazy; I did something I hadn't done in 100 years…

I laughed.

It was an unusual sound that seemed to shake my entire body. I had to listen more and more carefully, just to make sure it was really mine; It felt good- better than good- it felt fantastic- amazing; and I felt free. I caught a glimpse of myself in near hysterics in the side mirror, and I laughed harder at how ridiculous I looked. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down, but I wanted so badly to keep laughing. But…Edward would start to think I was insane-well, more so that he already did.

"I-I'm sorry…I just haven't laughed in so long." My voice even sounded different to me- higher, happier. I sighed, and after collecting myself, I looked over to Edward, who surprisingly seemed to find this all very amusing. "What?" I asked; I tried to sound playful and teasing, but I felt a little self-conscious.

"It's nothing- I just like hearing your laugh." He smiled that sexy, crooked smile I loved. I looked down, and had I been able to, I would have turned scarlet.

"Oh. Thanks." I smiled. He nodded, and _tried_ to smile, but I could tell something was bothering him. "E-Edward?" I hesitated. He looked up at me, and it was only then that I realized we had stopped driving; we were parked on the side of street. It was dark but I could see perfectly- though I didn't recognize the area. But I wouldn't anyway, I'd never been in Washington. "Is something wrong?"

"…nothing is _wrong_…" he said. "Just…I mean- I know we just met…but, I don't know. I'm…not ready…to give you up yet; I don't want to see you go." I could tell he felt as unsure about the words as I felt worried by them. But I could see he was trying to respect my obvious wishes to take things slowly…and stood by that decision- but being so romantic was making it so hard. Especially when I knew I wasn't read to give him up either. "Bella, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to- I don't want to regret anything…" Oh god. This is what I had been fearing…attachment. _Bella, you need to break this off before it goes to far-think of the numbness…you might never get it back_…the voice screamed in my head. "But, I'd like it very much- my family would like it also- if you stayed with us for a while?" he asked.

I couldn't think; I could speak. All I could do was stare at him like an idiot. I don't think I blinked- I don't think any of the last sentence really stuck with me; I think I was in a coma…a really aware coma.

"Bella?" he looked worried.

"Edward…" I said; my voice was back to how it was before the laughter- dead and disoriented. "E-Edward I-" I stopped, breaking out of my comatose state and cocked my head to one side. "Do you hear that?" It was like accelerated footsteps- getting loud and closer; too unusual to be human. It sounded more vampire…I growled. I bet I knew who it was. "James…"I growled and got out of the Volvo.

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW AND I WILL UPDATE ASAP!!!**


	20. Officially a Couple

**A/N: AHHHHH I AM SO SORRY!! I'M A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH A TON OF WORK AND IM STRESSED!!! I am trying very hard to make my updates more frequent, b/c I really love this story and I love my readers!! So to show that you love the story as much as I love writing it, PLEASE REVIEW!!! **

**James' POV**

I can honestly say that I did not mean to intrude on Edward and Bella, _that_ time! That was totally accidental; but I think that a higher power, fate, if you will, wanted me to be there, to stop the madness. Who the hell was he to steal my Bella away from me?! She was mine and she had been destined to be mine since the day I saw her. Even though it was one hundred years ago, I can remember every last detail.

_1918 Chicago, a Tuesday if I remember correctly. Victoria, Laurent and I were searching for our next meal. The streets were crowded with people, and it made more difficult to pick out scents, not that we cared- we just wanted to grab a bite and go. But the crowds _did_ make it harder to lead humans away. I was trying to think of a way to get a defenseless human away when Victoria paused to inhale deeply before turning around to face me._

"_If decided on my entrée" she whispered. "He's right over, there…" I watched as she pointed to a tall, strong looking man with dark hair and a strong jaw line. I suppose he was good-looking by a woman's standards. I mean…I am totally comfortable enough with my masculinity to admit that. _

"_Have fun." I said with no emotion. Even then Victoria tried to grab my attention every chance she got. But it didn't bother me as much then. I turned away from her and watched her out of the corner of my eye. I saw her pout and run off. I didn't care. I just wanted some blood. Is that really so much to ask for?_

_I remember sighing as I decided to settle for a frightened looking blonde- plain and boring. Very unattractive. But whatever, I didn't care. That is, until I smelled _her…

_The scent was like nothing I had ever experienced. My mind went wild with desire- I _needed_ this. It was destined to be mine. It _would_ be mine. I would have it. Just thinking about the _taste_ of it drove me mad. I could almost feel the blood- warm and seductive; welcoming and enchanting- running down my throat, filling my body with its delicious heat. Her back was turned to me- her chocolate brown hair was lifted lightly by the wind, blowing her scent in my direction again- harder, more forceful then before. _

_I ran to her. I didn't care if the humans saw; I'd kill every last one of them just to get to her. _

_She wandered away from the crowd, away from all who could bear witness. My mind screamed in excitement and I was grateful of this girls ignorance. I tried to be stealthy though, I tried to be quiet. So that way, she wouldn't have time to scream…_

_But desire ripped though me and stabbed my throat like one million ice knives. I _needed_ her._

_I attacked…_

_Before she even had time to react I was right in front of her. My eyes blazed scarlet and my mouth overflowed with venom. Any normal person would have ran away screaming. But she didn't scream. Her brown eyes just widened in surprise. It was silent for what seemed like hours- just the two of us. Staring at each other. I was giving her time to scream. She was just making it too easy- it wasn't a challenge. Maybe she needed a little coaxing…_

_I cleared my throat first before speaking. "Hello." I tried to be alluring- its not hard when you're a vampire. "What are you doing out here? In the forest alone? A pretty girl like you should be more careful…" I walked toward her- she didn't move or yell. Or threaten to do anything- she just stood there and took it. Perhaps frozen by fear. I took her chin and lifted it with my hand- I don't know why at that moment, but it struck me just how beautiful she was. "There are bad people out here…who'll want to hurt you…" she was gorgeous. And now my body yelled and begged for her blood almost as much as it burned for her body. For a brief moment I forgot about her blood. I just felt lust. I acted on testosterone and I grabbed her and pulled her closer to me. I wanted her in a different way now. But the scent hit me again, so powerful I just couldn't resist. It didn't matter that I didn't want to kill this beautiful creature; I was a hunter, and she my prey. I bit down hard are her neck…_

_She screamed now. And he stunning body writhed in pain in my arms. Her heart shaped face twisted in agony. And for the first time centuries I felt. _

_I felt her pain, I felt her screams and I felt the pleasure of her blood. But I felt something stronger than any of that._

_I felt love._

_I cared for this girl. I loved her. And it was stronger than the temptation of her blood- stronger than the monstrous impulse. It was enough to stop drinking._

_But her screams still rang through the trees; the venom coursed through her veins. She was changing. And she would be mine forever…_

The memory was powerful and I felt like if I could cry, tears would have made there way to my eyes right now. Thank god I couldn't produce them; because crying is for women and the weak. And I would never look weak in front of Bella. And here she was now…

**Bella's POV**

I was going to kill him. Seriously, I was getting damn tired of his freaking games.

"James!!!" I screamed at him.

"Bella?" he said faking surprise.

"Oh James cut the crap okay! I'm tired of this; you aren't my dad! You can't tell me what to do!"

"Bella, I'm not even kidding; I really didn't know you and Edward were here-I was just going home. And you should be getting home too. I miss you. When will this date be over, Bella? Come home…"

Damn him. He knew how to make me feel guilty. I shouldn't have snapped like that. I should have been more understanding… I sighed and tried to calm down. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe James didn't really mean to sneak up on us. Again.

"I'm sorry James. But…Edward and I were in the middle of something. I guess I'm just upset because I'm confused and-"

"Why? What the hell were you doing?" he all but screamed at me. His previous polite attitude was gone. I stood there, shocked at him. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't respond. I don't know why- I don't know why I didn't speak, why I didn't stick up for myself. But now I see- because I was scarred. James had never looked like this before. He looked angry- but it was so much more than anger. His eyes held this possessive glare and it scared me.

"James…" Edward's voice sounded behind me and he wrapped his arm around my waist. At first I was shocked- why was he touching me? But then I remembered…we had agreed to be a couple. I had agreed to love. But James hadn't known. James didn't know that we were…together… "I'm sorry, is there a problem?" I looked down and Edward gently took my hand. I didn't want to see James now. I didn't want to see the hurt and pain and the betrayal.

"As a matter of fact there is." James hissed. "Bella needs to come back to the coven. Now." He shot a death glare at me. I closed my eyes and told myself to keep them closed.

"I apologize. But Bella doesn't have to go anywhere she doesn't want to." Edward said politely. "And I don't think you meant to, but you interrupted Bella and I before. I was asking her a question. Bella," Edward turned to me. I looked up now, avoiding James' gaze. But through the corner of my eyes I still her staring in shock at us. "Bella you may go wherever you like. But my invitation still stands." Edward smiled and nodded understandingly. "I'll understand if you want to go home, though. But…I'd really like it if you came with me."

"Thank you Edward…okay. I'd like that." I paused, allowing myself one look at James. He looked hurt now. And angry, but I saw the hurt more than anything else now. "James I'm sorry. But, I feel like I need a little- vacation." He growled. And before I could say anything else he was speaking directly to Edward.

"Well Edward, if that's what she wants." He turned to me. "Bella, I guess I'll see you whenever." His voice was cold and he began to walk away when Edward spoke again.

"Of course the invitation is extended to you too, James."

"What?" James and I said at the same time.

"Umm…Edward, are you sure? I mean- James and his eating habits- are you sure they won't be a problem?" I asked trying to think of an excusefor James not to come. It would be hard enough learning to love without worrying about James.

"Well after seeing James change in eye color I supposed he has already corrected the problem. You don't have to if you don't want to James, after all. But I just want you to know any friend of Bella's is always welcome.

**James' POV**

I hated how he talked to and about Bella as though they were a couple. Like she belonged to him. I don't care what he said or what she said. They were not a couple and they didn't belong together-I would make sure of that.

Edward's invitation surprised me. Was he stupid?! Did he really trust me?! Hahaha no. Or at least he shouldn't. If he had heard what I was thinking he probably would have tried (and failed) to kill me. But luckily I had been singing "Desolation Row" in my head over and over. So he remained none the wiser. But I knew I could use this to my advantage. I would destroy them. I would have Bella to myself.

"Well then. If you're sure. I'd love to.

**A/N: DUN DUN DUN!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	21. Delightfully Dazzling Autopilot

**A/N: here's the next chapter- I hope this was worth the wait. Please review. Hopeful a new chapter will be up this week; I'm off all week!!! Again, review!!!!**

**James' POV**

Bwahahaha! _GOD_ I love being me! I _would_ _not_ allow them to be together. Not now. Not ever. Bella was mine- I needed her, I loved her. I wanted her and all she would give me. Because I love her. And she's the only one I can love.

"Well, I suppose we should get going then." Edward being the perfect gentlemen as always smiled too politely. God. How I hated him. He grabbed Bella's hand and towed her toward the car. She still wouldn't look at me. And that hurt. If only she knew how much I really cared…I really haven't told her to her face…except for those 3 days she changed…the 3 days she can't remember…

**(please don't hate me for the flashbacks…)**

_As her body contorted in torturous agony, and her screams became more frantic, I realized we couldn't stay here- someone would hear her screams, I'd have to kill them…it would end badly. For the humans at least. I hated to have to move Bella, especially while she was in the pain she was in, but it was necessary._

_I lifted her up, trying to be as gentle as possible. But she still yelped from the slightest movement. "I'm sorry honey…" I murmured. "But this will end happily, I promise…" I ran at top speed to make the pain last at least a little less. But I knew that was impossible. I stopped at a peaceful looking meadow- the grass was lush and green. I hoped it would be comfortable for this angel to lay on. I gently placed her on the grass, ignoring her screams. _

_She must have thought me a monster, she must have been thinking through all the pain _why the hell would he do this to me?_ But if she only knew…if only I could tell her how much I loved her. _

_Then I remembered I could._

_But I wasn't good at the whole 'feelings' thing. Emotions were weakening. _

_Bella screamed- it pierced my ears and shattered my heart._

_Perhaps…if my words of love could give her even the slightest comfort…it would be worth showing me weakness…_

"_I apologize" I said softly. "I really regret this…but I love you…so much." Her screaming ceased for a moment, to be replaced by frantic panting. "I don't know how I can love you so easily. But I do. And you are- beautiful…"_

I went on like that for about a day or so. And I think it helped a little. Or maybe I was just fooling myself; but I liked the idea of my voice comforting someone I loved. And maybe I was fooling myself now. Maybe…Bella _was_ meant to be with _him_…maybe this was meant to be. Maybe it was fate…

Oh hell no.

I would _never_ let them be together. Not one hundred years ago, not now, and not in one hundred more years. I would fight fate. And I would _win_, damn it. She was meant to be mine- I loved her too much and gave up too much to lose her now.

**Bella's POV**

Yeah…I think now was when I seriously questioned Edward's sanity. I wasn't sure if he was trying to be polite or was just oblivious to James's obvious hatred of him. Either way, I was trying and failing to come up with some kind of excuse-anything to get James away from Forks. Away from the Cullens.

_Away from you? _

The voice taunted.

Of course not, I thought. James is my best friend.

_But Edward is your boyfriend…_the voice responded.

Yes. But I can balance them both.

_Then why do you want James to leave?_

Because he's going to ruin everything. I know he is- he'll do something or say something-

_So you don't trust him? After all he's done for you? Your going to choose this boy you just met- this boy who will probably break your heart- over your best friend? Apparently you can't balance both._

S-Shut up, I tried to tell it. But it wouldn't listen.

_You're going to abandon and betray the only one who ever cared about you- you'll lose him Bella. And then, when Edward betrays you, and leaves you and hurts you- you'll have nothing._

SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I screamed internally. God, why couldn't the voice just let me be?! Was it too much to ask for? Some quiet, some piece of mind!

I hadn't realized it but at this point in my breakdown, I had hunched over in the passenger seat, hands pressed over my ears-basically looking like a complete lunatic. James and Edward both looked at me with concern on their eyes- I couldn't decipher which looked more sincere, or which cared more. And it made me feel queasy, thinking about how both of them cared for me so much, and how I knew I might lose them both. I kept my eyes away from them; I tried to ignore their gazes.

I felt the car pull over and I felt Edward's arm wrap around me. And even though I couldn't see it, I was sure James was glaring at the back of our heads.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward whispered tenderly in my ear. The concern and worry in his voice was heart shattering- it nearly broke what was left of me to pieces. I felt the familiar lump in my throat and I knew tearless cries would soon follow. I tried to force them away.

"Umm…yeah." My voice sounded anything but okay. I sounded like a human who was about to cry. Why couldn't it just be impossible for vampires to cry completely? Or to feel? Even though we couldn't produce tears, we could still cry- technically. And I hated it. Though it was easier to hide crying without tears- unless you're like me and show your heart on sleeve all time…

Edward obviously didn't believe me- James gave me one more concerned look before speaking.

"If she says she's fine, she's fine. She's a big girl, Eddie- leave her alone." I shot him a grateful glance- glad he had tried to get attention away from me- and he winked back.

Edward glared at him quickly before turning his attention back to me. I was beginning to get annoyed at him- why couldn't he just leave me alone? This was embarrassing…

"Are you sure…?" he asked again.

"Yes. I am fine." The words came out harsher than I meant them to be. I quickly corrected myself. "I'm sorry- yes, Edward I'm okay. Really…" I said politely. He nodded, and went back to driving, but I could still see the hint of worry in his eyes; it made me sad. Without thinking I moved my hand towards his- it was like I was on auto pilot or something, like before in the movies, I was just an observer, watching from my own head.

I took his hand in mine and wove my fingers through his and squeezed his hand. He looked at me, still worried. But he squeezed my hand back.

"I'm fine, I promise." I said softly- or someone did. I didn't know who was doing all of this. And then I did something unthinkable.

I took his perfect, angel like face in my hands, his eyes showed shock at first, but then pleasure. He stopped the car again, pulling over. I brought my lips to his…

And that's when I gained control of my body- as soon as our lips met. I would have pulled away, I _should_ have. But I didn't. I'd like to say I was still on autopilot, but I wasn't. the truth I was _loved_ kissing him. It just felt so right, his cool stone lips against mine, my hands tangling in his godly bronze hair, and his hands massaging through my hair. I loved the feeling of belonging, I loved how safe he made me feel. I loved how dizzy and delightlyfully dazzled he made me feel. I loved _him_.

If only I could tell him that- and if only I could believe this was real.

How great it must be to love someone without all the doubts I had- it must be that much more pleasurable…

And how great it must be to not have James right behind you. How great it must be to _not_ be kissing someone in front of the one whose always been there fore you. And how horrible it is to be hurting that someone…

**A/N: please review!! Hope u loved this chapter!!!**


	22. Maybe

**A/N: I don't even know where to begin apologizing…but here it is… ******

**Bella's POV**

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw James. And for a brief second I saw the pain and hurt I had caused him-but only for a brief second, after which my lips grew numb and limp from watching him, and I pushed Edward, maybe a little too roughly, off of me. We both panted heavily- though I don't know why…we didn't need to breath.

"I-I'm sorry." I murmured, and went back to looking down at the floor. I wasn't sure who I was apologizing to- James or Edward. I _should_ apologize to both, so I hoped they would both forgive me. I knew Edward would, but something told me I'd hurt James too badly. "I don't know…I mean- I guess I just…" Embarrassment engulfed me and I wanted nothing more than to sink into the car seat- turn invisible; anything to escape this awkward situation. "I'm sorry…" I whispered again.

Edward surprised me- as he often did- by grabbing my hand gently and pressing his lips softly to it before saying, "It's alright." I looked up at him in wonder-wondering how (and if) anyone could truly be this perfect. "We both got carried away." He offered a soft smile along with this comfort, which I returned with a sigh of relief.

James cleared his throat, obviously signaling he too wanted to be apologized to. And he was right, I should have apologized.

But then, why didn't I?

**James' POV**

I can't believe it. Was…was Bella ignoring me? The least should could do was apologize to _me_ after making out with _him_ right in front of me!!

It really hurt how she could do this to me. I loved her, didn't she see that? Didn't she know that? I loved her more than Edward ever could. How could she do this to me?

I stared at her in wonder as she just…continued talking to Edward for the rest of the ride, as though I wasn't there. It hurt. And the pain was deep and burning- I would have much rather gone through transformation again. And again and again. It would have felt like a small pinch compared to the pain I suffered now. Hurt, betrayed, wounded with no hope of repair or relief.

But worst of all, I felt my Bella- my best friend, my dearest companion, my would-be-mate, taken from me.

**Back to Bella's POV**

The rest of the car ride was silent- between James and me, I mean. I didn't think I could talk to Edward after that, the embarrassment, the shame…but it was surprisingly easy. We chatted about petty, unimportant things and we talked about his family. Until finally, we were back the Cullens house. The car ride must have only been half an hour, 45 minutes at the most. But it seemed... shorter. Time didn't go painfully slow like it tended to do for me. Maybe Edward would be better for me than I ever thought possible.

As soon as the car was parked, Edward got out of the car and then opened the door for me. I smiled at him appreciatively and placed my hand in his as I stepped out of the car. In the corner of my eye I saw James-that was probably the first time I really noticed he was there; I had forgotten all about him. My best friend…

_Wow. Way to abandon your friend…_the voice made its first appearance for the first time since my freak out. It caught me off guard.

W-What? The guilt had already been eating at me a little, and the voice was not helping to ease it. I knew I had been mean and unfair to James. He was my best friend and I owed him more than that. I needed to apologize…again. It seemed like I was doing a lot of that lately, apologizing to James.

_Yes, because you keep hurting him. Like Anthony Masen hurt you. But you'll get what you deserve. Edward will break you and then you'll see…_

It went away on it's own after that. I guess it figured that was enough and it didn't need to say anymore to make me feel like crap. But I tried not to think about it as much as I knew I would have had I been without Edward there.

The rest of the car ride went by in a quiet blur. I didn't even realize it was over until the car stopped (rather abruptly, I thought). I gave a startled jump, which Edward found amusing.

"A little clumsy, are we?" he teased. I pretended to be offended; I knew very well I was clumsy- how I managed to be the only uncoordinated vampire I'll never know.

"I am not clumsy. I am awkward." I was supposed to gracefully stride out of the car, but of course things never go right for me. I stuck my tongue out at him (earning another laugh) and then grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled- again, and again. Before I realized with much embarrassment and shame that the door wasn't even open. Great.

Edward tried to mask his laughter by covering his mouth with his hand as discreetly as possible, as he reached over to his door and flicked a switch.

"Try it now." I did. And I stepped out of the car. And then I fell out laughing. Again, it surprised me; nothing was even all that funny. But I couldn't stop that light, dizzy feeling as it bubbled up inside of me- the pleasant, burning enjoyment of it. Edward gave me a surprised, but amused look as he also began laughing. But our laughter died as James stepped out of the car.

Oh yeah, him.

I had forgotten he was there…again…Guilt crept upon me and consumed my thoughts as I watched as he grimly slammed the Volvo door and shot a glare our way. Our eyes met for a second and I thought I saw something in them. I saw a hint of sadness and hurt. And had I not looked away shamefully I would have walked over to him and apologize. But I just couldn't. Because I liked being next to Edward- having his hand in mine and just being with him. But with James it was different- it was annoying and bothersome and awkward. But I still loved him…didn't I?

My thoughts were interrupted by screaming- screeching, really. So loud and ear piercing, I shudder to remember its sound.

"Alice." Edward murmured and three seconds later I found myself in the biggest most painful hug I had ever known (until I hugged Emmett of course later that day)

"Welcome Bella!" she exclaimed. Her enthusiasm, while amusing, was a little scary. But still I tried to smile.

"Thank you…" I said a little unsure.

"We are going to have the best time being sisters, I'm sure." She smiled.

I smiled back, this time actually meaning it. But doubt still lingered in my mind and no matter how hard I tried to, I couldn't shake it.

Maybe it was because I couldn't stand to see all these people I was learning to care about get all excited, because deep down I knew I wouldn't be around long. I wouldn't allow myself to. Maybe this was all just a phase- i must be suffering a short relapse after so many years of loveless solitude. Maybe this would all be over by tomorrow and I could go back home with James, back in my little state of despair, and things would go back to normal and I would forget all about Edward.

Esme suggested Edward show me to the room we'd be sharing (not that we need to sleep) and the rest of the Cullens left. Edward grabbed my hand and led me upstairs and showed me the kind of smile that teenage girls squeal over.

I sighed. Maybe I was fooling myself about fooling myself. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe I could finally be happy. Maybe this was it.

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY. UNBELIEVABLY SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. **


	23. Apologizing is Hard to Do

**A/N: I know I haven't written much in like ever, but I forgot how much I missed this. So I'm starting up again. Hope u guys enjoy it.**

**BUT before u do I have a question. I can probably update once a week or every few days…if u guys don't mind short chapters?? So would u prefer short chapters (like this length) every few days or long chapters every 2 weeks?? Review and tell me**

**James' POV**

It killed me. To see her with him like that. The way that I've always wished she would be with me. The way her perfect lips met with his- not mine. And I could stand the look on her face- the look that showed how much she enjoyed that kiss.

The ride back to _his_ house was worse than the before. Because I could feel the connection growing between them. I could feel the recognition they both unknowingly shared. The way he held her hand, without her pulling it away, sparked jealousy in me. If I had known he had survived the epidemic he would have been dead long ago. And the worst part was that I couldn't think about any of that. I couldn't think about anything I wanted or needed to think about because he would hear me. I tried to distract myself by singing mindless pop songs but it was no use. Its like telling someone not the think about elephants- then its all they think about.

But everything they did bothered me the whole way there; I swear Cullen did it on purpose. And Bella didn't do anything to stop him. I could tell my presence annoyed them, but I could live with annoying Edward. It was Bella that bothered me most. The look on her face showed her anger and annoyance--at me. And it killed me to have her mad at me, because my whole life I've tried to make her happy. For over a century I've tried to do what's best for her- being with me.

I know I seem totally unaffected by emotion of any kind, but I do care about her. And it hurt me to see her someone else. And I wished I could tell her that. Hell, I have told her that. Not the hurting part but that I care about her. And she had always told me later, she was unable to reciprocate the feelings. And I thought fine. I could wait. And if she could love again, if she was ruined I could have a little satisfaction in knowing that no one could have her.

But obviously I was wrong. She _can_ love. Just not me. And if I cant make her love me I wouldn't let her love anyone.

**Bella's POV**

The next few days after our arrival were… normal. Really normal. And it made me happy to feel so normal. They went to school and they did things normal families did (besides meals and sleep) and I loved that. It truly felt like a home there. And I really found a sister in Alice. And I brother in Emmett and one is Jasper. A mom and dad in Carlisle and Esme. And Rosalie pretty much left everyone alone. But she was nice enough and I was happy. Except for James.

I ignored him for the majority of those days. But it wasn't until the end of our first week there that I began to feel guilty about it. I had been getting ready for another night with Edward (we'd been together ever night so far, just taking rides and enjoying each others company.) and Alice had trusted me enough to dress myself, which gave me a few minutes until I left with him. So I decided I would talk to James. Maybe even apologize for the way I've been acting.

Ugh. Me apologize to him. After what he did a week ago??!

But I mentally scolded myself, and telling me to shut up and get it over with before I changed my mind.

He was outside where he usually was. It didn't take much to find him.

"Hey." I called out. At first he looked shocked when he saw it was me. But the shock was then replace by pain, and then quickly again by anger.

"You look gorgeous." he said moving closer. I never noticed before he always walked toward like I was his prey or something. I mean, it was nothing new but it had never bothered me like this before. "What's the occasion?"

"…Date….with….Edward." I said hesitantly. This was not the way I wanted our reconciliation to start. He sneered and growled softly before allowing himself to speak.

"Well I'd hate to keep you away from _him_." He said the whole sentence like it was dirty word.

"Well I just wanted to talk to you. That's all." I said with an offended tone. I knew it was a bad idea to do this. But oh no I _have_ to be so forgiving. "I know I've been…well, I know I haven't spoken to you much. And I'm sorry." I looked at him for awhile. He had turned his back on me so it was difficult to read him. A part of me wanted forgiveness- I wanted to hear him say we were still best friends. But the part of me that always betrays me, the part that never shuts up, wanted for him to say he'd never forgive me and that he never wanted to see me again. Then I'd have an excuse to leave him and the rest of our pathetic coven alone. Because I really didn't want to leave the Cullens. I was happier there than I have ever been or ever would be, I knew. When he finally replied, he was all smiles.

"Apology accepted. As soon as I get a hug." He opened his arms, I was hesitant at first but I knew he would just say that I've been hugging Edward every five seconds all week, so I sucked it up and gave him a hug.

His hugs weren't like Edward's; his managed to still be warm, despite our cold skin. But James' hug was frigid and invading. It felt more like torture than I friendly gesture. I immediately jumped out of the hug after two seconds. He eyes narrowed when I did so and I regretted it…kinda.

I was expecting some sort of angry remark. But he said nothing. Instead, he just ran away. And I knew what he was going to do. I knew he would probably feed off of someone. And I felt responsible for that someone. Whoever she would be.

But no one had to die tonight.

No one would die tonight.

Not on my watch.

So I ran after him.

**A/N: REVIEW**


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